Revisiting the UCTMW Employee Handbook

Yesterday, on the drive home from work, Mistress was flashing some black tights and boots, distracting her loyal chaufeur a bit as I dodged and weaved through rush hour traffic. It was so unfair.... I wanted to focus on sliding my hands up those firm and well exercised thighs, but the traffic required more attention than usual.

Mistress noticed where my eyes kept darting.

"You know Slave.... it's almost spring. Soon the tights will get packed away until fall. "

"No problem, Mistress.... those legs look mighty fine naked."

Mistress is not much for pantyhose of the conventional kind. Either it's black tights or naked legs for her.

"But I'm awfully pale.... need to get a bit more tan for naked leg season, Slave."

It seems early for that, but the sun will come. And at some point, the traffic ground to a short halt, allowing me to pull out my I-phone and snap a shot of those lovely legs to share (maybe I should rotate hot shots on her AM page to keep the drooling masses amused?)  In any event, you can see how a slave can get distracted. 

At home we went for a twilight bike ride - the sun had been out all day and temperatures were in the 50's. Afterwords I made sure Mistress was suitably worshipped.

"Am I a little gamey down there, Slave?"

"Just the way I like it."

After dinner, we spent a little time sorting through Mistress's AM applicants -- the culling was a little cruel, but you have to do what you have to do.

"Am I being too superficial, Slave", she asked as a brief perusal of one applicant's "private showcase" left him in the dustbin of history.

"Well it's sort of like the admissions process at some Ivy League school, Mistress... a lot of potentially great candidates get left behind."

Of course, some were easier to cull than others. As an example, if your "handle" was derived from a brand of farm equipment, or you liked to use the word "ur", that might be a quick way to end up on the cutting room floor.  Under age 37 also seemed to be a hard line. And for the most part, 120 miles distance seemed a disqualifier -- though there was one guy from Canada who's photo seemed to leave Mistress agog. He remained on the list.

Slave was just taking orders in my role as recording secretary.

We even prepared a little spread sheet with the names, locales and key characteristics of the prospects that Mistress found tempting. By the end of the evening she had responded via email to a select few, asking for a little more information.

We will keep you updated -- sort of.

Amidst all this we did get a call from one of our far flung staff members,  asking for a refresher course on our employment policies.

To be clear, unlike many employers, we have a more "permissive" attitude when it comes to relationships between employees and officers here. With so few employees, we fall below the threshold where those pesky federal laws prohibiting sex discrimination and harassment come into play. And since most of our employees are out of state, it seems unclear whether even our home state's laws apply. So our policy on sexual harassment is a little "sketchy".

As a general rule, we do not have any hard lines when it comes to creating a "hostile working environment". We figure this is a god damned sex blog! If you aren't comfortable talking about sex, being subject to sexual taunting, propositioned, or seeing hot photos of the Publisher laying around, or posted by the coffee pot, then maybe you should look for a job at Reader's digest.

AS for Quid Pro Quo harassment -- the type where getting ahead at work is conditioned on responding favorably for requests for sexual favors - we figure who would turn down a come on from our Publisher, anyway? Plus, she's pretty darn selective.

And of course, since the Executive Editor is strictly accountable to the Publisher, and has to wear a cock cage at all staff meetings or "retreats". So he poses little threat of demanding a blow job in return for a raise, doesn't he?

Nor do we have a policy prohibiting "Fraternization". That's the kind that says employees may not have "personal" relationships with one another, usually designed to avoid a sexual harassment claim down the road, when one party or another decides it's time to move on to the next hot secretary or purchasing manager.  In fact, considering our ongoing need for "blog-fodder", a little sexual hi-jinks behind the file cabinet could well be an inspiration.

Of course, we would prefer employees to do that sort of thing without charging their sex toys and lubricants to the company credit card without pre-approval.

And this is one employer that will not have a religious or conscientious objection to including birth control on our generous (if high co-pay) health insurance plan. There's nothing more annoying than having to pay a temp during someone's long pregnancy leave!

Have I made all that clear, staff?