Our Man in Sochi

It was -6 degrees last night in Denver, the home of our roving Western Correspondent. So it's no wonder he got on a plane and headed to Sochi for some spontaneous reporting on the Winter Olympics. I'm wondering how he was able to get his high end lubricant through security though, considering all this paranoia about terrorists concealing explosives in toothpaste tubes. And I just hope I remembered to cancel his UCTMW Titanium AmEx card.  For a little verisimilitude, I suggest imagining this compelling narrative delivered at slope side in the voice of the inimitable (but often imitated) Howard Cosell, dressed in the fur coat that Joe Namath wore to Sunday's Super Bowl.

 Well I know a little bit about winter sports

Bodie Miller is my favorite ski racer

Just like Tiger Woods is my favorite golfer

Bodie is the best American ski racer ever having won in all 5  alpine events and the most World Cup victories of any American in history

He is now 36  years old and if he were to win Olympic gold he would become the oldest  man ever to do so at 36

He did not ski at all last year because of injury

Today at downhill training at Sochi he finished FIRST!

The race is Sunday on TV  in America

It is a pretty easy downhill by World Cup standards

My take

He has fast skis for gliding on an easy course

Gliding means relaxing and letting your skies go where they want

Very scary and hard to do at high speed

Ask me

I have done the splits at 80 mph and slid down the slope on my face

Gave my face character:)

The manufacturers like to give Americans fast skis during the Olympics because the US market is the biggest

The biggest market by far is Denver

More ski shit is sold in Denver each year than in any other market in the world

And it is on sale here every fall for 10 cents on the dollar

Nevertheless

I would be just as happy if Bodie wins the downhill as I would have been if my beloved Broncos had won the Supper bowl 

Colorado's own Lindsey Vonn is out because of a knee injury

She of being Tiger's squeeze fame 

She  only has  to win three more races to pass AnaMarie of Austria to win the most World Cup races of any woman in history

Ted Liggety is the best American medal hope in Alpine skiing

He was the first man since Jean Claud Kiley to win 3 gold metals in Alpine skiing in a world championship or Olympics . The guy that got shot by Claudine Longe

Liggety did that 2 years ago...  

He is really good

But my buddy Jim E. (college team mate of mine)  beat him in a fun race last year at Park City where Jim's kids are all stud ski racers and Jim is l obviously still competitive 

Of Course Liggety was wearing play  skis 

And when he found out Jim beat him he went down to the parking lot and got a pair of his World Cup GS ski's

And blew Jim out by 3 and a half  seconds......

On a rutty course

Still I was proud of my buddy

There are a bunch of great young Americans racing

I wouldn't be surprised if a young American female got a medal

But for the old ones

Julie Mancuso has won several Olympic medals before 

But she is old (though she seems in pretty good shape in this photo).

But for the purposes of this sex blog she was recently pictured in some major magazine putting her hands down   her crotch in a very sexy outfit

Check it out

I only really understand ski racing 

But the kids in their slope style, half pipe, etc 

Are incredible athletes! 

With big balls

Or perhaps big clits!!!!!!!!

They act like they just throw that shit

Bit they practice year around on trampolines, pools and foam pits 

My hat is off to them

Seriously

It takes big balls to throw yourself off huge jumps

Spin three times

While flipping 3 times and land it on a very steep hill

But my advice to viewers is to watch the difference between the skiers and boarders in all these events

The skiers will go much bigger than the boarders 

That is because the skiers can hook up an edge much firmer than the boarders can

When skiing you can really set and edge and rocket out of a turn

Much harder on a board

Rock on Mick and Molly

Thanks, WC, with this incisive analysis, we all will appreciate the Winter Olympics with a finer eye. Just be check for any stray dogs in your hotel room.