The Brady "Slide": A UCTMW Investigative Report

Deadspin.com has gotten some attention in the last two weeks for their hard hitting investigative reporting on whether a certain naive linebacker made up his dead girlfriend, or if someone made her up for him.

It made me realize that we've lost our edge here at UCTMW in recent months, what with our Western Correspondent continuing to malinger on a long running worker's comp leave, and our Senior Correspondent trolling for cute cat pictures on the internet.

Ah well, I suppose it's time for Mick to don his Sherlock Holmes chapeau and see what I can unearth.

But in truth, it was actually Suzanne over at All Mine that got me onto this story.

Last Sunday, as Mistress snoozed through the second half of an endless NFL play-off double header, Suzanne (who was home with Tammy watching her beloved Patriots lay a 2nd half goose egg against the Ravens) and I were trading emails about the deterioration of Tom Brady's game in recent years.

And the one thing that symbolized it was a rather bizarre "slide" late in the first half.  You can see the video here: (Brady Slide video).  My first impression was that he looked like an un-co-ordinated dork. But on further review, it may be that he was "fending off" Raven safety Ed Reed in a not too veiled effort to "eunuchize" the guy who has feasted on interceptions from Brady and other NFL QB's over the years.  Now the NFL has socked Brady with a $10,000 fine,  apparently concluding that his upraised leg was not just a "spaz attack", but more akin to Pete Rose trying to take out a catcher.

Classy.

Suzanne also tutted about Brady's failure to run for a first down in the 2nd half, when a forced throw ended yet another drive for her Pats.

So what accounts for this "slide" in Tom Brady's performance?  Suzanne speculated it was the "curse of Gisele", his super-model wife.

"They haven't won a Super Bowl since the big wedding day."

Hmmmm..... Is it just bad luck, or is Gisele doing something to Tom that has made him lose that competitive edge?

Suzanne had a theory: "Maybe she's fucking him in the ass..... ?"

Ah, the possible sissification of the guy who used to be the NFL's most potent stud-muffin.  That might explain it. Could there  be evidence?  Sure enough, as I trolled about the internet, there was plenty:

Certainly Gisele cuts an authoritative path:

And Tom has begun sporting the trappings of sub status:

Some recent images of the two of them together makes it pretty clear through their body language who is in charge, doesn't it?

And what about this shot? That's them right?

So over a few short years, with some intensive "therapy", Tom Brady has turned from the guy who would risk all to score that winning TD in a snowstorm, to this guy:

It made me wonder what Gisele picks out for him to wear under those tight football pants and jersey before a big game. Amazingly, I was able to get to the bottom of that too:

Very cute, don't you think?

But as Suzanne ultimately concluded: "Not that there's anything wrong with that."

Well I suppose I can see her point of view.