Our Western Correspondent Gets an "Accomodation"

Our under-productive Western Correspondent has not been heard from much of late. Meaning that he is more under-productive than even his low standards have led us to expect. Could it be that the legalization of marijuana in his hometown has had a dramatic impact on his ability to put a sentence together, with or without punctuation?  Could be.

But our Senior Correspondent Donna and her husband Bill, Director of Security have another theory:

The WC may be suffering from a disability induced by a certain persistent and repetitive motion using his right hand.  A severe case of carpal tunnel syndrome may well have made it impossible for the poor lad to operate a key board without severe pain, thereby explaining  the absence of a dispatch from our Mountain time zone branch office for some time.

But have no fear, Miguel. Help is on the way. Donna and Bill have found some break through technology that will give your right hand a new lease on life, and also reduce those outrageous expense account charges for drums of high end lubricant that have helped reduce the UCTMW tax bill to "nil" (as the World Cup announcers like to put it).  Here is a description of the new device we've shipped your way:
 

A Chinese hospital in Nanjing, capital of Jiangsu Province, has introduced a new machine that makes sperm donation even easier- an automatic sperm extractor. I’m all for hands-free technology, but have scientists gone a little too far with this invention?

The effortless machine features a massage pipe that can be adjusted to suit the height of the user. All the gentleman has to do is plug in the frequency, amplitude and temperature and off they go. It’s also fitted with a small screen for those feeling uninspired.

According to the director of the urology department of the hospital, the machine is designed to help individuals that are finding it difficult to retrieve sperm the old fashioned way. We're not entirely convinced that standing in a room shared by many other people and being milked like a cow is going to help, but their efforts are commendable. Here’s to technology.

This link (sperm extractor) includes a video showing how the device "in action".  

We're  hoping that with a few weeks rest with the help of this new device, your carpal tunnel symptoms will recede and you'll be back to your typically barely productive self! And if this does not work, maybe Suzanne can come back from her extended leave of absence and have you fitted for a cock cage.