Sex Strike?

Mistress and slave had a bit of a contrarian reaction to yesterday’s “Women’s Strike”. Women were supposed to show their political solidarity by withholding their labor, paid or volunteer, to show the world how they’d be missed if not around.

Well of course, we know how much women would be missed. And, unlike immigrants, no one is trying to show them the door. But it seemed a little counterproductive to make the women who could not afford (or didn’t have) a sick day to stay home with their kids, because the local school district’s teachers did not show up for work. 

Should Ruth Bader Ginsburg take the day off on the Supreme Court for an important vote or hearings?  

What about those female immigration lawyers trying to protect moms from deportation by Mr. Trump’s newly empowered ICE goons? 

Or Moms making lunch for their kids?

Of course, Mistress could have afforded to take the day off. She has a slave to handle pesky household chores. Even making a cup of tea would seem to violate the bizarre strike protocol. But she did not avoid calls from clients yesterday who needed her help. And thank god for that. Now that I’m retired someone has to support me in the manner to which I have grown accustomed, right?

But there maybe something more sinister here. Are America’s women on a stealth sex strike?

I’m referring to a recent report in the Washington Post (linked here ) documenting an horrific decline in sexual activity by American adults, particularly married couples.

Among all American adults, sex was “had” 60-62 times per year in the 1990’s. But that declined to less than 53 times / yr. by 2014.  Barely once per week!

The rate of decline was even worse if you were married. You’d assume married folks had more sex than unmarried folk right? And they did in the 1990’s, at the rate of 73 times/wk. But by 2014, married folks were having sex only 55 times / week – barely once / week and not much more than the general adult population’s nookie rate of 53 times / wk.

It gets worse for folks in my age bracket. If you’re in your 20’s you have sex about 80 times / yr. But by the time you are in your 60’s the average rate is only a pathetic 20 times a year – only 1.6 times / month.

Apparently, Mistress and I are outliers. While we don’t keep a daily log like some of you, my “back of the envelope” estimate is that in the last year we’ve had full blown marital sex here in UCTMW land about 306 times (that’s about 6.5 times a week over 48 weeks, taking into account 4 weeks when we may have been away from each other, and maybe one day every other week when had an “abstinence” day for some odd reason or another.). Of course, that does not include times when Mistress had sex with another lover (maybe 10-15 times) or oral worship of Mistress, which certainly totals in the hundreds.

But what explains why the rest of you are so far behind our pace?

“The report did not list causes for the decline. But it cited possible factors including increased access to entertainment and social media, a decline in happiness among people age 30 and over, higher incidence of depression, and use of antidepressants associated with sexual dysfunction.

“Are they less happy and thus having less sex, or are they having less sex and therefore less happy? It’s probably some of both,” said Jean M. Twenge, the study’s lead author, who teaches psychology at San Diego State University and wrote “Generation Me,” a book about millennials. “We do know that sexual frequency is linked to marital satisfaction, so overall if you have fewer people having sex, you could have people who are less happy and less satisfied with that relationship.”

The decline in sexual activity was sharpest among people in their 50s, people with a college degree, people with school-age children, people in the South and those who do not watch pornography. It was less pronounced among younger people, men, nonwhites, people with children under 6, people in the West and those who had watched a pornographic movie in the past year.”

So maybe one prescription for this malaise it to move to a western state and watch porn?

But as I think about it, there may be another explanation for this seemingly sad decline in marital intercourse.

Could the popularization of the  cock cage as a way for a wife to better control her husband account for the decline in sex among married folks?  Are there hundreds of thousands of married women who keep their husbands on lock down for most of the month? Certainly our friends Terri and Diane have found a fulfilling sex life that features very little actual marital intercourse? Maybe the study doesn’t count it when a wife has sex with her bull side dish?  Or include a wife’s deployment of a strap-on on her caged hubby for her own satisfaction and amusement?

Clearly, some deeper  research may be required to get to the bottom of this apparent “sex strike”. I find it hard to believe that it’s all about too much Netflix and too many “devices” to watch it on.

Mentoring?

Here at the UCTMW World HQ we are getting used to a new rhythm in our life.  Slave is now officially retired, and working for some clients from home. But I’d be kidding you if I suggested this is a full time “gig”. At this point it’s just 2 or so hours a day of my professional work. A little community / political activity, and trying either to be of service to Mistress or stay out of her way. After all, she still has an (almost) full time gig, working for her clients out of the house too.  

Yesterday my “service” involved setting up a new computer for her in my role as the UCTMW IT Director. Monday it was a trip to the Apple Store to get her lap top battery replaced. And I even baby-sat for my cute grand kids yesterday. 

But an article I saw in the Washington Post last week brought up another potential activity for both of us… but more Mistress than me.  Mentoring!  Should we offer to mentor others in the “community”.  The article (linked here)was by a woman, inspired by the recent "Shades of Gray" movie,  who placed an add on Craigslist offering to be a sexual mentor for young men who want to learn how to please a woman.

Intrigued by the verboten topic of older women showing younger men new paths to pleasure and curious about the economic concept of sexual supply and demand — but not necessarily to acquire an enthusiastic new lover — I placed an ad on Craigslist in December:

Are you looking for a sexual mentor?

If you’re a younger male looking to connect and safely explore mutual sexual interests with an older, experienced woman, let’s chat. I’m smart, sensitive, open minded and thoroughly enjoy sex and its many permutations.  Instead of masturbating between the sheets at every opportunity, why not spend some time with a skilled lover who will teach you how to please a woman?

Me: 40-something, sex-positive woman with a high sex drive, practices safer sex, STD/STI-free.

You: 18+ with an insatiable sex drive, practices safer sex, STD/STI-free.

Just imagine the possibilities.

Within 10 minutes, my inbox was flooded with more than 120 replies. The ad was quickly flagged.

Of course, the Washington, DC market has a broader potential for finding suitable subjects for “mentoring” than our smaller River City market. But it’s something for Mistress to consider as an alternative to the relatively shallow pool of mostly married guys on AM. She certainly would have much to offer to a younger man, wouldn’t she.  In fact I think she’d probably share the sentiment of the WP writer:

For most women I know, exploring sexual pleasure was not something we were ever taught or encouraged to do. I’m a sex-positive woman who understands consent, practices safer sex and brings vast and varied experience to the bedroom. Sex should be fun and playful. Every interaction, sexual or otherwise, is an opportunity to learn — if you’re curious. I encourage exploration and advocate for pleasure.

Yet, the erotic frisson between an older woman and a younger man is alive and well, as Christian’s much-older mentor Elena demonstrates in the book “Fifty Shades Darker.” The concept of a woman striking out as a sexual pioneer is still very much taboo, but the sexual appetites of younger men and older women are closely matched in terms of stamina and spontaneity. Older women bring confidence and years of practice to the bedroom. A woman who knows what she wants and communicates that knowledge can be a huge turn-on. Combine that with a young man’s short refractory period, and you have the makings of mind-blowing sex.

In my experience, the big difference between an educational experience and robbing the cradle is the erotic know-how a skilled woman offers. Imagine sexual mentorship as a rite of passage, where partners discuss what turns them on and which boundaries they are willing to push. With time and practice, they develop greater cognizance and connection.

As for me, I doubt there is much of a market for a lowly aging slave to offer sexual mentoring services to would be Dommes in training. Now do I think Mistress would approve. But maybe I could mentor would be male slaves / subs looking to either find a Mistress to take them under their wings (or thighs); or trying to be of better service to their Dommes or Mistresses.

Do you think there would be a demand for that service?

-->

Less Sex, More Screen Time?

The rivalry between my aging Baby Boomer generation and those young, hip Millennials has opened a new front according to an article in yesterday’s Washington Post.

Boomers like this aging slave have long been known for our self indulgence. Our generational mantra was (and still is) “sex, drugs and  rock and roll”. And did I mention Sex?

It takes a boomer to create a sex blog like me to brag for years in 500 word or less installments about how many times I have sex with my wife/Mistress. Or how many sexual partners she has had.

On the other hand, the Millennials, brought to heel by the ugly of the 2008 recession, are known for their abstemious ways: delaying reproduction, delaying home ownership, getting by on "gigs" rather than “real” jobs, driving less, occupying fewer square feet, etc. etc. The only things they do more of than their boomer parents and grandparents are craft beers and kale salads.

Sadly, it turns out they have sex less too!

That pathetic diagnosis was  confirmed  on a day when Mistress and slave “indulged” twice: once before our morning bike ride, and then later after a lazy nap on an overcast afternoon.  Mistress even got in a little cock riding during round two, that pushed her cum count to at least 4 by my calculation.

The Post Story leads with a headline quoting a Millennial on sex: “There really isn’t anything magical about it.”  It is sourced by  a recent study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior (my issue must be in my mailbox at home!) to the effect that Millennials, particularly the younger ones,  are having sex less frequently and with fewer partners than the self-indulgent boomer generation.

It’s a less sexy time to be young than it used to be, despite millennials’ reputation as bed-hoppers frolicking like the characters on “Girls.” A study published Tuesday in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior finds that younger millennials — born in the 1990s — are more than twice as likely to be sexually inactive in their early 20s as the previous generation.

They are also doing it with fewer partners.

As a Dad  of two young ladies in this generational cadre, I should be gratified that they are less likely to hop in bed with any guy with an eager organ. But still, there is a little sadness to this guy:

Noah Patterson, 18, likes to sit in front of several screens simultaneously: a work project, a YouTube clip, a video game. To shut it all down for a date or even a one-night stand seems like a waste. “For an average date, you’re going to spend at least two hours, and in that two hours I won’t be doing something I enjoy,” he said.

Dang. I’d hate to cut into my screen time just for another roll in the hay!

It may be the cut-throat competition of the current economic climate that has made millennials more sex adverse, like the young non-stud quoted below:

He has never had sex, although he likes porn. “I’d rather be watching YouTube videos and making money.” Sex, he said, is “not going to be something people ask you for on your résumé.”

That attitude does not surprise Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist at Rutgers University and chief scientific adviser to the dating site Match.com.

“It’s a highly motivated, ambitious generation,” she said. “A lot of them are afraid that they’ll get into something they can’t get out of and they won’t be able to get back to their desk and keep studying.”

It could be us Boomers had it too easy. We thought we could have careers, lots of sex and kids too! And we did! We had it all, and the tides of the economy were definitely on our side. But I gotta tell you, I’d much rather have sex with Mistress than more screen time, more on-line porn, or another craft IPA to wash down my kale salad.