Dispatch from Our Senior Correspondent: On Disconnecting

Slave had to be up very early this AM to haul our Cute Co-ed and her grandmother to the airport. It's spring break, and she's hitched a ride for a family get-away to the Caribbean.  So I asked Donna to pitch in to cover today's blog.

But there was a little action here  last night which I will briefly share: we had arranged to meet a friend at our little in city home, which is between tenants right now. It actually would make a great dungeon / play space, a subject we have discussed on prior occasions here. But as we were arriving, having left work a little early, the local media went into a "Storm-a-geddon" frenzy, with the prospect of thunderstorms and even a tornado.  Our friend canceled on us, fearful, apparently, that some vengeful old testament god must have determined that our innocent rendezvous was verbotten (or however you say that in Hebrew).

This left Mistress and Slave with time on their hands, in our now unfurnished home.... with a bottle of wine and our laptops. Could be trouble, right?  


Fortunately there was a rug on a floor.... and Mistress had on those delightful peek-a-boo tights.  Need I say more? Now, here's Donna's piece....

I had a rather serious talk with Lee recently. As far as I know, he was unaware that his spouse, Linda, had talked to me about the same topic just a few weeks ago.

Bill and I have known this couple for about 15 years, having met them through mutual BDSM friends. The couple is in their early 50s, with three teenagers, one in college and two in high school, a family dog and a case of the sexual doldrums. They love each other deeply but, for all intents and purposes, their sex life has ground to a halt. Well, not a complete halt, they still have OSR, Obligatory Sexual Relations on their anniversary, Valentine's Day, Christmas and birthdays, but linking up is rare other than those times.

For any couple that would seem wrong, but for many years Lee and Linda were hip deep into the BDSM dungeon scene, they were movers and shakers of the kinky kind, and they both enjoyed wearing leather and riding his Harley. When their kids were young they would leave them with the grandparents for a weekend every now and then and escape on the Harley for a romantic camping trip, and these lovers were once adamant about the importance of their date nights. So what happened?

Life and technology, that's what happened. Their careers took off. The kids signed up to be involved in everything they (or their friends) thought might be fun, resulting in every evening, weekend and holiday being filled with not only homework, but athletic events, music lessons, scouts, dancing, bike racing, choir and a ton of school organizations.

And, as time passed, both Lee and Linda became attached by an invisible umbilical cord to work, to the kids. to friends and relatives through their Smartphones and laptops, which are never, ever turned off. In essence, though they are sometime the only two humans in the room, they are never alone. Their privacy and their ability to disconnect from everything else and focus only on one another is gone.

Lee asked whether I thought things would ever get back to where they had been years earlier. My answer was this: things are going to be better than they have ever been before. You need to hang in there, you may need to make a few adjustments for the good of the kids, but things are going to be great! And I really think they will.

I told him that the old stories about sexual urges declining in women as we age was a load of bull, probably written by cloistered men who believed that sex was only for making babies! Women orgasm harder and more often, and enjoy sex more, not less, as we mature. As I aged and our kids grew up, the world of sex became a bigger, brighter place with flashing lights spelling out the words CUM and ENJOY! Or it may have been ENJOY CUMMING!, but you get the point.

Since Lee clearly wanted a faster solution, I suggested considering some changes for the kids. How about allowing them to grow up a bit? I suggested he let them do their own homework and school projects without their parents looking over their shoulders. They're in high school for Pete's Sake. Once the kids have that idea under their belts, teach them not to call all the time. Certainly there are circumstances when  parents want to be sure the kids can reach them, but if the kids are home (supposedly) doing homework, they don't need to call repeatedly. Sit outside on the porch swing with each other, maybe even holding hands and playing kissy face and groping each other a bit while the kids do their homework!

The next step is to dress up and go out to an adult dinner together and tell the kids they may only call if it's an absolute emergency, and you may need to define emergency. Once they get the idea that they don't have to call every half hour, reinstate the date nights on a regular basis. Maybe you could visit a dungeon and work up to spending some time there.

The next idea was that they let their bedroom become a sexy place again, that they close and lock their bedroom door at night to allow the adults to be spontaneous during the night. I also suggested they go shopping together to buy some new sex toys and sexy lingerie and keep them in the nightstand drawer or in some easy to access rolling boxes under the bed. If the teens find the toys and cop an attitude, the response is, "Just what were you doing in my room without my permission?" End of story. Don't engage them. Adults have a right to privacy and personal possessions, and don't have to answer to the kids.

And finally, my last suggestion was about work. There are career choices that require people be on call, physicians, tow truck companies, Secret Service, funeral homes, lawyers, etc., but in many cases it has become a bad habit to take care of business during non-business hours. Disconnect. Let fellow people at work know you are disconnecting for a romantic dinner or a lover's get-away with the person who means the world to you. It doesn't have to be expensive to be meaningful, and maybe it will plant some ideas with others at work, too. At some point it might even expand to meals without phones ringing, imagine that.

Eventually the kids will be on their own and my friends will be back to more regular participation at the dungeons, will have ramped up their kink and it will be unusual when they don't have sex one day rather than when they do. They are great people and deserve to be happy sexually as part of their everyday lives.

Hugs,
Donna


Oh, and on the subject of phones, please, please don't take your phone into the bathroom with you. Really, I can wait until you are finished. There is nothing I have to say or need to hear you say that won't wait until you finish business and wash and dry your hands. Honest.