Dear Molly and Mick.....

Every now and then, Mistress and Slave contemplate writing a book or doing a more mainstream “how to” column or radio show that would share our “wit and wisdom” on how to maintain a vivid and fulfilling sex life. Why don’t we? Well maybe it’s because unveiling our “Mick and Molly” personas to the world would be excruciatingly embarrassing to our kids, or compromise our everyday work lives. Or maybe we’re just too busy having sex.

But then you read something like this in the Washington Post’s “Dear Prudence” column, and you realize there is a crying need our there for our common sense!

Dear Prudence, I'm a woman in my late twenties who's been married to a wonderful man that I'm very sexually attracted to for a few years. We don't have children - yet - but we do have careers, a house, pets, and lots of great friends and fulfilling activities that fill our days. However, our sexual life seems to be somewhat lacking. I enjoy sex when we have it, which is probably around once every two weeks. I tend not to be the instigator and often use the "I'm tired" excuse. I worry that I'm not fulfilling him sexually, even though we've talked about it and we both understand the realities of working full time and try to set aside time when we can. Other than this, we're very happy together. Do you have any tips on how I can feel more gung-ho about sex? How much sex should two happy, healthy people in love be having? Sincerely, Wannabe Sexual Goddess

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January 09, 2014 3:19 PM

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A.

Emily Yoffe :

Normally, two twentysomethings who are attracted to each find they have to carve out some time from their sex life to attend to work, pets, and other obligations, not the other way around. If your "fulfilling activities" make you too tired to have a more robust sex life with your husband, then cut back on the luge classes.  The good news is that you like sex when you have it, the bad news is that you have it about 24 times a year, which is quite wan for childless people your age. It would be one thing if your Sex Point Average was exactly where you two wanted to be, but you acknowledge you're pushing your husband away with the lamest of excuses. So bring this up with him. Tell him you want to be more connected and adventuresome sexually. Say that initiating is not your style, but that maybe you two need to have appointment sex. Sure, that doesn't sound sexy, but having sex is sexy, so note it in your calendars. You make time for friends and animals, so set aside one night during the work week and one day on the weekend for just the two of you. You like it when you do it, so that should be a good incentive to do it more.

Well, al least “Prudence” did not tell “Wannabe” that two times a month was par for the course…. But it seems some more straight forward advice was in order. Here’s how M & M might handle this letter:

Dear Wannabe:

Let’s get this straight, aspiring sex goddess: No kids. Healthy. 20 something. And you claim you get around to some nookie about twice a month (which means it’s actually more like once every 3 weeks or so,  unless the House Wives of Paducah is on?) We hope you realize that prisoners at the Mississippi State Pen have more frequent conjugal visits than that, honey. 2 times is the average Saturday here in the M & M household, and Mick is counting the days until he can sign up for Medicare.

Does your husband really take at face value the “too tired” line? Our bet is that he is spending a lot of otherwise disposable income on high end lubricant. Maybe we can connect him with our Western Correspondent. Together they might qualify for a group discount.

Our recommendation is a sex boot camp: whether on a weekend or during your next holiday from your careers and those other “fulfilling activities”  you use as an excuse to stay out of each other’s pants.  Make it your objective to see exactly how many times you can do it in just one day. Believe Mick, it won’t be easier to do that 10 or 20 years from now.

No TV. No Sunday brunch with all your urbanista friends. No trips to Target where they will let some Russian hacker steal your credit card number.  Just sex, with a little nourishment or a nap thrown in from time to time to keep your energy up. Since M & M lean to the kinky side, how about tossing in a leather collar around your neck, locked to a teather that will let you get no farther than the bed and the little girl’s room.  Let’s see how your hubbie reacts to that.

Once you realize that it’s quite possible for you 20 somethings to do it 4, 5 maybe even 8 times in one day, then it will become apparent that your calendar has a lot more time for fucking than you previously thought.

M & M