Blazing Paddles!

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Science Wednesday: It's In Her Kiss

As you can see from today's illustration, Mistress elected the boots and bare legs look yesterday when she ventured downtown for some work meetings.

"It was supposed to hit 60 today, Slave....that's too hot for tights."

But she acknowledged that it seemed a little colder than that for mid-afternoon.

"I notice that some of the ladies here have them on Slave...."

SHe gave me a hard time when I confessed I had noticed as well. You can't teach an old Slave new tricks, I suppose. And where's the harm in being "observant"?

Mistress camped out in my office for a good part of the afternoon, since we had plans to meet an old friend after work for a drink at a nearby bar. It's one of those things you can do spontaneously with an empty nest. And we enjoyed trading stories and speculating about an upcoming election with him, a former local poobah, and the other self-important political figures slumming at this particular  bar last night.

Of course, before we ventured out, Mistress received the sort of attention from my lips and tongue that she has become accustomed to. I wonder if the politicians we pal-ed around with last night could detect the musky juices that no doubt clung to my cheeks and chin as we bellied up to the bar? No, they were probably more focused on flirting with Mistress than any detritus in my 6 pm shadow.

But today's entry is not about randy politicians. I'm focused instead on a scientific study derived from an on-line survey about the role of kissing in our contemporary mating practices, courtesy of yesterday's Times. Here's the link :Now a Kiss Isn't Just a Kiss.

It seems that not all of us use kissing for the same purpose:

The participants generally rated kissing in casual relationships as most important before sex, less important during sex, even less important after sex and least important “at other times.” (To clarify: researchers defined kissing as “on the lips or open-mouth (French).”)

Past research has shown that three types of people tend to be choosier in selecting mates who are genetically fit and compatible: women, those who rate themselves highly attractive, and those favoring casual sex. In this study, these people said that kissing was important mostly at the start of a relationship.

That may be because for these individuals, kissing turns out to be a quick, easy way to sample a partner’s suitability — a subconscious stop-go light. For them, “The Shoop Shoop Song (It’s in His Kiss)” might not be far off the mark.

After that first kiss, these types are much more likely than other subjects to change their minds about a potential partner, researchers found. If it’s not in his kiss, forget about him.

But other people might use different criteria to size up their mates: men, those who rate themselves as less sexually attractive, and people looking for commitment. In the grand search for a partner, these individuals screen for people who seem to have the inclination and resources for the long haul. And for them, this study showed, kissing has a lower priority at the beginning of dating.

Particularly for men and women looking for long-term relationships, kissing serves other purposes, like relationship upkeep. They would use their orbicularis oris muscle to mediate, ameliorate and sustain their connections. They rated kissing equally important before sex and at “other times not related to sex.” For these participants, kissing was least important during sex.

So it seems that a woman who sees herself as attractive, and is open to a casual fling might use kissing as a critical way to do a quick inventory on the liklihood of potential partner's compatibility. You're hot, or you're not, based on that first kiss. Blow that chance and it's to the back of the line for you, dude.

A woman more interested in a long term relationship, or who might consider herself a little less attractive, wouldn't view that first kiss as critical as whether her potential partner's American Express card is Gold, Silver, or Platinum.

It got me thinking about my first kiss with Mistress. Actually, I had tried to muster the courage a few times, after we had come together as volunteers on a political campaign. For a while she dodged my clumsy advances in a way that made me think she did not even consider me in that way. (Since we were married to different people at the time, this might have been a very natural reaction on her part to the flirtations of some older guy.)

The break through came one day in my office, a meeting she took the initiative to set up. I should have known once that meeting concluded with a kiss  that my fate was sealed, and that it was just a matter of time before I would become her abject Slave.  

But I suppose I am a slow learner. 

In any event, I am eternally grateful that I seemed to pass that initial screening. It was just a matter of days before I was where I was forever destined to be: my face buried between those delicious thighs, accumulating musky juices on my late afternoon shadow.

That "kiss" must have passed her discerning standards as well.

Looking Forward to Tights Week

Yesterday, over at All Mine, Suzanne pointed out that next week has been declared by some shameless vendor or prurient blogger ""Tights Week". There's even a cool illustrated logo:

 

Of course, Slave has a bit of a fetish for a woman in tights, which Mistress has been more than happy to exploit over the years. AS I recall, the first time I laid eyes on her, at an otherwise tedious political dinner in the fall of 1987, she was wearing an unusually short dress (by River City standards) and very sexy hose that accented her incredibly long and trim legs. I was immediately smitten, and the rest is history.

However, Mistress is a stickler for an apparently unwritten fashion requirement that one only wears tights in the cold weather months. You would never see her prancing around between April 15 and October 20th or so in anything but bare legs. And of course she has the shapely and toned legs to pull that off, as visitors to this page will note. And by rationing Slave's exposure to her in tights to those limited months, she gets her Slave all the more anxious for the time when the seasons finally change and I get to observe and feel her legs encased in that tight, sensuous fabric.

I'm not quite sure where this obsession came from.... though I can recall stealing furtive glimpses of my female class mates in their hose back in my 8th  grade Catholic school days. Maybe that's why the nun clobbered me that day in class, not because she observed me "snickering" while serve as altar boy at Christmas Eve midnight mass?

In any event. tights season has arrived here in River City. On Saturday night at that house concert fundraiser we attended, many of the ladies were also decked out in various tights stylings. Mistress had the look I preferred, solid black, with black boots and a colorful silky dress that provided ample space for her legs and thighs to peek out.

But some of the overdressed 40 something house fraus, the types who spend lots of time at the gym, spend lots of cash on designer clothes, but just can't score on the "sexy" scale, were sporting some (in my book) over designed tights -  patterns that seem way too busy and distract from the "goods' they should be enhancing. Here are some examples:

 

Now maybe some of you go for this, but they don't score when it comes to my highly attuned tights fetish. 

But of course what one could not tell Saturday evening was what the ladies' skirts and dresses were hiding: were the house fraus wearing the "peek-a-boo" variety of tights that Mistress sometimes  wears, that are so suitable for office worship, or a quickie in the guest bath at some otherwise dull dinner party? That's Slave's favorite type:

In fact, Mistress has promised to drop my my office today, between meetings and a business lunch to give her Slave a little mid-day tasting opportunity. I wonder if she'll unearth some of last season's peek-a-boo tights for the occasion?

An to get in the spirit of tights week, I'm hoping that some of my fellow blogger's post pictures of themselves in tights... what about it Suzanne, Sin or 'Nilla? And what about you Tammy? If Robin can wear tights, so can you.

Making Up for Lost Time

Mistress and Slave had some pent up demands that needed to be satisfied by the time she landed back in River City on Friday evening.

I had spent my evening sharing a pizza with my cranky Mother, about a 15 minute drive from the airport. Which made it easy for me to get to the airport early, paging through my Times, still locked away in my cage, anxious when it was announced that her plane would be about 15 minutes late. OT in the cage was no fun!

But soon she was striding through security, a smile on her face, looking as lovely as ever. She had not adopted the Portland grunge look, though the dark leather jacket she wore, and flowing scarf, gave her a bit of a counterculture flair.

Naturally, I was very glad to see her, but the cage prevented me from showing her just how glad. No, 'Nilla. There was no extra key on hand. I had to wait for her bag to show on the carousel, and complete the 20 minute drive home before I earned my release.

Of course, Mistress seemed to enjoy my oral attentions, which led to her permission to indulge myself amidst those clean shaven folds. And over the ensuing 20 hours or so we "did it" two more times.

The bonus was spending several hours in bed on Saturday afternoon, napping and fucking and redeeming some of the time we had lost during her trip to the Northwest.

Last night we had a social engagement: a dinner party and concert at a local home for a charity that Mistress's mother is associated with. Mistress was her mother's "date" for the dinner part. I got to stay home a little longer and watch my alma mater school the poor cadets from the Air Force Academy in the thinner air of the mountain west. Sorry, WC. But at least we show our patriotism by giving the academies a nice pay-day and network exposure.

By the time I arrived at the party, Mistress was finishing dinner. She had dressed up for the occasion, and with the weather turning considerably colder, I was treated to the first day of "tights season". With the tights and high black boots she was wearing, I was glad Mistress did not make me get back in that infernal cage.  Slave is a sucker for Mistress in those black tights, and as we sat together for the concert part, Slave was treated with the opportunity to fondle that tight covered thigh protruding from a dress with a convenient slit up the side.

Yum.

The music was sexy / ethereal too. An acoustic set from a local duo with a national reputation. Here's a video of them which you may like, of a song called "Sacred Ground", with a line about someone leaving little bite marks on the female singer's neck. It made Slave want to head back to the "sacred ground" of the executive suite at the UCTMW World HQ and help Mistress out of those tights.

Long Day in the Cage

As I write this, Mistress is winging home back to River City after a few days in the Northwest. Sounds like she had her fill of gluten free goodies, and even some other  "medicinal" substances, while visiting a close friend out there. But I doubt she has picked up the grunge look after such a short visit to Pacific Northwest.

As for me... well I've been in the cage through the work day every day since she left. Of course, I did get a temporary parole at dinner time, and even permission to indulge each day my inner WC, but without the high priced lubricant that he puts on the UCTMW credit card.

And since I'll be picking Mistress up around 9 pm tonight.... this will be a particularly long day in the cage.

I did not exercise my "touch" rights this morning. I figured why go for brand X when I could use up my pent up sexual energy on Mistress tonight.

But after a long work day in the cage, and several more hours under lock and key, I'm starting to question my own good intentions.

It's a shame the key is back at the house, isn't it?

Yeah.... I know, some of you out there are not exactly feeling sorry for old, pampered Mick. Particularly since I get to spend the night with my lovely Mistress.

I just hope her plane is not delayed. I don't want to take cage time into OT.

The Latest Threat to the Global Economy: Sexual Apathy

Here is River City, winter seemed to arrive a little early yesterday. It as cold and blustery, with a rain squall or two tossed in for good measure. Particularly cruel  that there was no Mistress here in my bed to keep me warm, and make sure my lips and tongue had something to do. 

Mistress did send me some cute photos through the day, of beautiful blooming flowers, and the local high tech Streetcar, which some in River City have coveted for years. 

And while she has been too busy visiting with her friend to get into any "trouble" of a sexual kind, she did share that a passenger on the flight out put on a full court flirt with her through the first leg of her trip.

“I bet I hear from him when I get back, Slave…. but he really wasn’t my ‘type’…  a little too geeky. He and his wife must teach yoga in their spare time.”

Well at least he’s probably more flexible than Slave.

A few days of “celibacy” is something both of us can handle. Particularly when Mistress has given me strict orders to make sure her cock remains in working order while she is gone. At least we don’t seem in any danger of falling into the sad plight of the Japanese, who’s growing plight of “sexual apathy” was written up in this story in the Washington Post.  Here are some pathetic lowlights:

People in Japan are so averse to romantic relationships that the country's media even has a name for it: sekkusu shinai shokogun, or "celibacy syndrome," according to a widely circulated Guardian story on the country's low rates of marriage, childbearing and even sex.

A series of grim statistics tell the story:

 • Extremely high numbers of Japanese do not find sex appealing. 45 percent of women and 25 percent of men, ages 16 to 24, are "not interested in or despised sexual contact."

• More than half of Japanese are single. 49 percent of unmarried women and 61 of unmarried men, ages 18 to 34, are not in any kind of romantic relationship.

• In every age group, the percentage of Japanese men and women who are not in a romantic relationship has been increasing steadily since the 1990s.

• About a quarter of Japanese don't want a romantic relationship. 23 percent of women and 27 percent of men say they are not interested in any kind of romantic relationship.

• More than a third of childbearing-age Japanese have never had sex: 39 percent of women and 36 percent of men, ages 18 to 34. That number hasn't actually changed much over the last decade, but it is unusually high.

The article goes onto explain that these developments are not only bad for the sex toy industry, but could pose one of those dreaded existential threats to the world economy. As the Japanese population shrinks and gets older, the world's third largest economy could default on it's debt, plunging the world into the sort of financial chaos that could be described as a Ted Cruz wet dream.

This seemed a little odd to me. I've spent some time in Japan, and my father worked and lived there for several years. From our "exceptional" American perspective it seems an odd culture, but hardly asexual. I mean what about all that Shibari bondage stuff all of us aspiring kinksters read about?

And what about all those strange Anime films and comic books which focus on women who seem a little too young for comfort tied in rather strange positions, on the verge of defilement? Throw in some aggressive tentacles and you have a plot line worthy of 'Nilla.

Of course, maybe this ritualized restraint reflects a society that would  rather watch than actually do something about their primal urges. But that doesn't mean we have to take their impending meltdown lying down - either on our backs, or maybe ass up and shorts at our ankles, does it?

Maybe our can do American spirit can help restore the Japanese libido.... But I am not sure starting with Caroline Kennedy as our next Ambassador to Tokyo is the right move, do you? She seems a nice lady, but hardly one to make the Japanses suddenly go out and couple up. She certainly does not have the reputation for sexual exploits that her Dad or uncles Bob and Ted had.

No, let's be more proactive, and lead by example. Provide a role model who can break this sad decline into celibacy.

How about Miley Cyrus, who could twerk her way across the Floating Kingdom?

Or better yet....I'd be happy to give our WC a "public service" leave from his duties here at UCTMW. Certainly he could teach the Japanese a thing or two about mating rituals....although he might have to get out of the habit of wasting all that seed, and back into spreading it around.

 

Torn From the Fertile (and sticky) Imagination of our Western Correspondent

Mistress has flown the UCTMW coop for a few days.... visiting an old friend in the Northwest.  (She reports she had a stirring view of Mt. Hood at the end of her flight).

Slave got to take her to the airport early yesterday morning, and then drive back there again at the end of the work day to dispatch our daughter back to her east coast campus.

That was a little too much driving for a guy stuck in a hard steel cage all day ... that sucker sure can make one squirm when you have to sit for a while (WC add "not while driving" and "not while sitting too long" to that litany of cage avoidance rationales).

Fortunately, when I got home, Mistress mercifully told me where I could find the key, and I was given a temporary parole to allow a bike ride. She even directed me to "take care of business" once, but only once, per day while she was gone.

"That will make sure you don't get too horny.... we know where that can lead, Slave...."

She surely is a  wise and merciful Mistress! And to help matters along, she even left a very fragrant set of sexy nighties under my pillow, to help stimulate my senses, which were put to good use last night when I was having a little trouble going to sleep in this lonely bed of ours.

Yeah, I know, this isn't all that sexy, so as a bonus, I'm sharing a little smutty email that our WC sent to Mistress this past Sunday (with their permission of course)

:

Had a fantasy/dream about my sexy little friend

Dreamed I came down to Your hideaway and you and Mick were sitting in your main room 

I came in and ordered you to strip bare naked

Your eyes kind of glazed over as you stripped

I ordered you to put your hands behind your neck for inspection

That’s when I kind of woke up with my hand around an enormous erection

I imagined bending you over and making you pull you bottom wide open for me to inspect

Fucking hot!!!!!!!! 

You little stud

I pushed a finger deep up your cunt

You were soaking wet!

I then pushed that finger deep up your ass

And twisted it lifting you up on your tip toes

I then pulled you over my knee and gave you a long hard bare bottom spanking as Mick watched

Stopping now and then to rub your clit hard

You were soaking wet and I teased you about it

I spanked you again, questioning  you

Do you think I will let you cum tonight?

I hope so you said

NO I said

I pushed you down between my legs and told you to free my cock and suck it

I made you smell it and lick my balls

 Then I told you to suck every drop down........

OMG I came so hard

Then I slept with you spooning and teasing your wet cunt all night not letting you cum but making you jack me off and suck me of all night

You woke up in a puddle and I was thinking about how to keep you so fucking horny all the next day not letting you cum again

I had a great orgasm this morning my little friend......

Sounds like we are both stuck with our fantasies and right hands this week , Miguel.

When Mistress is Away.... Slave will be Locked Away

Mistress is headed to the great Northwest early tomorrow morning. I'll be driving her to the airport, and heading back there again late in the afternoon to take our younger cute Co-Ed, who's "fall break" will finally be ending.

We did get in some early evening "bon voyage sex" before dinner tonight. Mistress rode her cock to glory after some preliminary worship. And Slave was rewarded once she had her fill. A nice way to work up an appetite.

Molly will  be gone until Friday evening. And since she has an early flight tomorrow, Slave is shut down until her return.

Indeed, the protocol has been laid out:

"You're in the cage every day this week, Slave...."

Ouch.

"But what about when I'm home, Mistress?"

"You'll have to ask permission.... understood?"

"Of course, Mistress."

It Could be a long week.

March for A Cure: Victims of Erectile Dysfunction at the Alamo

Gun Sentiments and Guns on Display at Alamo Rally - NYTimes.com

Sex and a Movie

Our empty nest has been invaded once again here at the UCTMW World HQ.

Naturally, you can't expect two colleges to have the same bogus "fall break" that I was bitching about last weekend. No, the girl who goes to college on the East Coast has hers this weekend. And after years of her whining about how pathetically dull River City is, she bought a plane ticket to come home and see her boring parents and her loyal cats.

Fortunately, she went out to see some friends last night, leaving her parents to their own sordid devices. By the time I got home from work at around 6 pm, we were too lazy for the bike ride we had planned. Instead there was some lolling about in bed, a short but revivifying nap, and some nice "comfort sex". I made sure that Mistress was tended to by my lips and tongue before imposing on her for a nice healthy fuck.

By then we were getting hungry -- it was "picnic food", suitable for watching a movie. It is nice that so many indie films are now available on your home screen at about the time they hit the cinemas, particularly since our indie screens are limited here in "flyover" country. And why drive to the theatre when you can hunker down, with little clothes and a glass of wine on your own couch?

Slave found a movie "on demand"  that had just the right amount of appeal to our prurient interests: a sort of "Summer of '42" X 2, called Adore (link to a Times review and trailer here).  Directed by a French women, set in an idyllic Australian beach town, and starring the ever so foxy Robin Wright and Naomi Watts.

It's a rather fantastical tail of two best friends in their 40's who grew up together on the beach, and now each have hunky surfer sons of about 20. One son hits on his friend's Mom after a night of a little too much beer. The other son, upon discovering this horrifying indiscretion, hits on the other Mom. Both Mom's "succumb", after only a bit of the necessary "resistance". (Conveniently, they live across the street from one another, one is a widow, and the other has a boring husband who takes a teaching job down in Sydney).

Then, after the initial horror of what they had done, the two Moms discover ----"hey, this ain't so bad!" Instant double dating at the beach!  Several soft core sex scenes ensue, where you get to enjoy these lovely women cavorting with their young, devoted studs. I think Mistress was having cougar week flash backs as she lay next to me on the couch, sipping her wine, squirming ever so subtly as my fingers stroked her clean shaven folds.

Of course, there is a brief nod to a come-uppance ending. Something bad has to happen to these evil "sexual predators", right? The affairs last several years, but ultimately the boys end up married to girls their own age , bestowing on the ladies  cute granddaughters to take to the  beach. But then.... it turns out the old embers never died, the tedious daughters in law discover the "sordid truth", and the grannies get their young studs back!

It's like one of those old "Beach Blanket Bingo" movies, but with  Annette's Mom doing  Frankie Avalon.

Despite the less than credible plot line, who could complain about the gauzy beach scenes and the semi-nudity of Watts and Wright? Not this pampered house Slave.

And it got me thinking..... were there any of my Mother's friends at the Jersey shore I had fantasies of boinking?  Sadly, No.

But Annette? Yeah, I could have done that.

HNT / Reopened for Business

So someone blinked.... in this case it seemed to be the Republican leaders in Congress who were getting a little nervous about the long term effect on their "brand", and the cash flow from their Wall St. contributors. And now we go back to business as usual.... long weekends for Congress, and blaming the Park Service for not keeping all the parks and monuments open when forced to lay-0ff 80% of their staff while the rest worked on IOU's.

But rest easy .... they can do this all over again in January, after a three week paid holiday "recess".

It makes me yearn for a simpler life, without cable TV talking heads and endless updates on Twitter. Time to refocus on what counts.... like luring Mistress into my office for some mid-day worship.

Plus I have tights season to look forward to!

When Things Look Bad.... Go to the Movies

If that's an adage that still sticks, the movie industry should sell lots of tickets this week here in the US, at least until the bank runs keep the ATMs from working.

Our foreign readers are probably continuing to scratch their heads about the apparent chaos in Washington, as a perfectly good nation decides to deliberately throw itself off a fiscal cliff in a fight about whether folks who don't have health insurance should be told to deal with it on their own. 

Yesterday, the "People's House" in our legislature elected to seize chaos from the jaws of compromise, kicking the can over to the "World's Greatest Deliberative Body". Over there, they have a rule that says one crazy dude with an on-line fundraising scam can hold things up for days by reading from Dr. Seuss.

The question is whether by "HNT" day, the United States will be the first major nation to default on its debt since since the inimitable Adolph Hitler did it in Germany in 1933. And, by comparison, he seemed to have a good excuse. Chances of default now stand at 60% in my book, though there remains a glimmer of hope.

So what to do? Empty your bank accounts and buy gold?

Fill the tank and drive to our SW hideaway?

Buy guns, ammo and lots of canned goods at Wal-Mart before they run out?

No. Mistress and Slave  are still in denial ....... so we've been watching movies.

Monday night it was Concussion, one of those indie flicks just opening at the movies, but also downloadable in I-Tunes. You can tell Slave picked this one out: it's a rather smutty movie about a 40 something and buff lesbian mom from the Jersey suburbs,  bored with a wife disinterested in sex, who decides to add a little spice by selling her services for $800 a pop (or multiple pops) in a trendy loft she has renovated in the City.  Lots of hot lesbian action, and even a little wink at bondage.

Mistress was on the couch next to me, legs spread, her clean shaven folds all too available. It seemed she had at least a couple of cums stimulated by my teasing fingers and the scenes unfolding on screen before the movie wound down to a rather unsatisfying ending. At least for the frustrated suburban Mom.

Last night we went to an actual movie theatre to see Enough Said, which was Mistress's choice. Another indy movie with Julia Louse Dreyfus (always cute) and James Gandolfini, playing mismatched divorced singles dealing with whiney kids heading off to college. Cute, funny, but a little sad too, considering this was "Tony Soprano's" last movie before his untimely demise. It was hard to watch this big, talented guy and not think about the heart attack that took him out.

Since this was in a public theatre, and there wasn't anything particularly sexy about the flick, Mistress did not get any cums during the actual screening. But I did make sure she got sufficient worship before bedtime.

Lost Weekend

No... Mistress and Slave did not over indulge this past weekend. But we did get a little overly scheduled, and had the pleasant company of our older cute Co-Ed, who fled her bucolic campus for "fall break".

(As an aside, WTF is a "fall break"? Was it intended to coincide with Canadian Thanksgiving, as Sin was celebrating over the weekend, complete with an overdose of nipple pain for her to be thankful for? When I was in college (back in the stone age before the internet) the "fall break" WAS Thanksgiving (the real one, not the Canadian one). So I guess now we have two fall breaks. This is the sort of thing that gives higher education faculty a bad reputation, and may explain why Suzanne over at All Mine has been on hiatus the last few days.)

By  Saturday evening we realized the day had gotten away from us.

I was snuggled up against Mistress, reading a book, after a long dinner with my whiney, elderly Mother. Mistress had a separate dinner out with her mother and sister and the Co-Ed, and we finally were home at around 10 PM.

"Do you realize the only time we spent together today is in bed, Mistress?"

There was wake-up sex, some afternoon sex and a nap in late afternoon, but other than that we were off on errands or dealing with other family members.

"True, Slave.... but there are worse places to spend time."

Very true.

Sunday was better..... some hot wake-up sex, a bike ride, then Mistress made her Slave a nice breakfast to fortify him for a little yard work and wasting a perfectly nice afternoon watching the Pussycats figure a way not to loose to the mighty Buffalo Bills, who could have used the ghost of Jack Kemp in the first half. Mistress even did some grocery shopping while I was watching the game.

When we landed up back in bed after the local team won in what should have been an unnecessary OT, when ended up back in bed again. Slave was sidling up against Mistress, sliding my hand up her thigh, and under her black skirt,  when I discovered that something was amiss.

"No undies, Mistress?"

"Does that surprise you, Slave?"

"Was this the way you went Krogering?"

"Sure..... can't think anyone would notice...."

Somehow, the thought of Mistress's uncovered and clean shaven folds wandering through the meat department made me realize there are better things to do on a Sunday than watch football.

To Cage or Not to Cage?

In response to Thursday's blog, the WC left a lengthy comment summarizing his take away from all these years of following us here at UCTMW....

Apparently he's been keeping track of all of Slave's many excuses for persuading Mistress that this is not a good day for confinement in my cage. After all, there are circumstances when wearing that tight steel cock cage is inconvenient, hazardous, or just too uncomfortable for a pampered house Slave to bear.

I'm thinking that someone with a clever capacity for rhyme could turn this litany into a kinky Dr. Seuss knock-off, but that is not my forte. So here it is:






Not too hot

Not too cold

Not too wet

Not too busy

Not while sleeping

Not while traveling

Not while bathing

Not while biking

Not while fucking... duh....


Not while being fucked in the ass.

Not while swimming

Not while waterboarding (or being waterboarded)

Not while hiking

Not while skiing

Not while bowling

Not while golfing

Not while skateboarding

Not while snowboarding either......

Not while exercising

Not on weekends

Not in any month that ends with an y

Not in any month that ends with an r either......

And I'm pretty sure

Not any month that ends with an h l e or t too

Not while doing ballet

Not while doing any other kind of dancing either

Not while thinking

Not while reading

Not while walking

Not while sitting

Not while driving

Not while rock climbing

Not while hang gliding

Not while parasailing

Not while gambling

And especially

Not while pontificating .............

Suzanne, Harry

Did I miss anything?



I must say that this takes things a little too far, WC.  But you did forget to add "not on days involving air travel or entering buildings with metal detectors".

For the record,  I'm not into gambling, so that one hasn't been tested yet. I did wear the cage this week while lecturing and fundraising. And I've certainly worn it while worshiping. So those are off the list.

But this got me thinking about good candidates for cock cages..... maybe, for starters,  the entire Congress until they decide to re-open our gubmint. Here are too candidates in particular, who have the sort of Shutdown bromance going that would make Bill and Monica (the last big Shutdown romance) blush.

1,000,000 Page Viewers Can't Be Wrong

Or can they?

We've been edging closer to that number for several weeks. So now we're there. More than a Million page views here at UCTMW over the last almost 4 years of blogging. That includes 1260 posts. And I'm not including that brief but silly life we spent over at our companion blog Mistress and Slave on the Lam.

Molly and Mick are in a much different place than we were when we began this silly enterprise back in November 2009:

More secure in our relationship, at least so it seems to me. Kids out of the nest (though one returned last night for a little fall break R & R).

Mistress has a few extra extracurricular lovers under her belt.... that have created opportunities to amuse and entertain here.

Slave is a little grayer, and a little closer to hanging up his business suits and eagerly moving onto the next phase of life.

We've enjoyed making some new friends here in the blog-o-sphere, seeing friendly competitors or "staff members" come and go, or shift into their own new phases.

And it's fair to say we have down shifted here.... We're not doing the daily entry thing that kept all those page views piling up for several years. Our blog was therapeutic for Mick and Molly. But the therapy seems to have worked, and is not nearly as necessary as it was back in 2009 when we kicked things off here.

How long will we keep at it? That's not clear. Maybe as long as it's fun and mutually entertaining.

In the meantime, I may go out and look for a a sparkly gold tuxedo.

HNT / Long Day in the Cage

Fortunately, Slave was able to overcome the effects of cooler weather, and get that hard steel ring to seat properly yesterday, containing my cock and balls through coffee brewing and wake-up sex in the UCTMW Executive Suite until Mistress was able to put my on full lock down before sending me off to work.

And it was a long day..... morning in the office.... a lunch time lecture to a group of about 50 fellow professionals down the street.... back to the office.... pick up some snacks and beverages for a reception Mistress and I were hosting for a candidate for public office at the end of the day.... back slapping.... schmoozing.... etc, etc.

Fortunately, Mistress had time to stop by my office for some "private time" before the candidate and our guests arrived.

"How's the cage, Slave?"

"Tight Mistress.... it is a little odd being up there in the front of a crowd, trying to sound all cool and professional and charming .... flipping through my power point... but knowing I've got that steel contraption on too...."

"Do you think anyone could tell?"

"Not that crowd, Mistress.... my guess is they'd never even consider the possibility."

There was just enough time to squeeze in a little pre-reception worship behind my closed office door. You know the drill..... Hopefully our guests could not detect the sweet musk of Mistress's clean shaven folds on my face. And I doubt they even considered checking for a lump of hardened steel below my beltline. They may have been too distracted by the fact that the candidate's zipper was at half-mast in a rather ill fitting suit....

How do you tell someone who's running for state office that his fly's not firmly in place? But I guess it's better than saying "Hey Pal.... your cock cage is showing."

Cage Malfunction

A cold front that followed that Biblical rain that squelched Glamor Boy's aspirations for a fourth quarter comeback on Sunday put Slave into some dangerous territory yesterday morning.

Mistress had asked me to wear the cage on Monday, but we had an early wake up call, and I was a little groggy when I went down to make the coffee. I forgot to bring my little steel ring - the base of my cock cage- for all that early morning squishing and cramming required to get my balls and dick through the aperture.

On cold mornings, it's necessary to do this important preparatory work when things are still all loosy goosy down there, because a little cold weather triggers some sort of natural defense mechanism, making that fleshy sack that contains the "family jewels" shrivel and contract.... nature wanted to keep them warm apparently. And once that contraction occurs.... well the squishing and smushing into that ring becomes impossible. There's very little to gran onto, push and pop into the ring

So that was the problem Monday.... Slave forgot and by the time he remembered, nature had done it's work and it was too late.

Mistress did not take it too badly.... "OK SLave.... tomorrow then....."

Tuesday morning I remembered my task, got the ring mounted properly first thing while the coffee was brewing. I was prepared to treat Mistress to one of those particular firm cock's contained by my ring. But the trip to the driveway to get the morning paper must have been my undoing. When I arrived upstairs for some hot wake-up sex I discovered that one recalcitrant ball had figured a way to retreat back through the tight ring.... apparently it was offended by the cold weather and took shelter.

And believe me, you don't want to try to have sex with one ball in and the other cramped somewhere nasty .

I described my plight to Mistress.....

"Hmmm..... OK, Slave.  We don't want you to hurt yourself....."

So I took the ring off and tried to please Mistress as best I could.

Last night Mistress made it clear that today was definitely a cage day. The ring is already on tight. I may have to wait until after wake up sex, and the cover is securely in place before I go out and get the paper.

Three strikes, and my ass may be out.

Glamor Boy Skulks Back to the Coast

Slave returned home from today's game very wet, but gratified that my prediction of the inevitable outcome was finally confirmed. And while I expected the Pussycats to emerge victorious, I must say that even I did not expect that the Boy Wonder's 50 + game streak of TD passes would come to an end at the hands of the lowly Pussycats.

Of course, you have to give Suzanne credit. She too must have come to the conclusion that her Patriots' undefeated record would not survive a trip to River City. Otherwise she and her loyal subjects would have taken my offer to join us here for the game, and post some intriguing stakes on the outcome.

You do have to admire Tom Brady though. He strides onto the field like an executive trying to convince skeptical analysts that his stock is a bargain, and struck a particularly  alluring figure in those pink accessories worn this week in honor of the Breast Cancer Awareness. But he looked particularly cute on his ass, after those four sacks and numerous other QB "pressures" he had to endure. And after all, he does get to go back to the babe who some speculate regularly deploys a strap-on to keep him in line.

On the drive home, Slave got a chance to listen to "Hoodie"s" so called press conference, that lasted all of two minutes, one for each field goal his offensive juggernaut was able to muster. He's a man of few words. It makes you feel for the guy.... after all these years he should be spared the cruel indignity of having to play games on the road, and/or in the rain!

Fortunately, Mistress was here when I got home. After peeling off my sodden jeans, and confirming that my I-phone had not shorted out, we adjourned to the bed for some R & R. She seemed to enjoy my enthusiastic  worship, almost as much as she did her run-in with her favorite power tool this morning, Those pre-game rituals can't be ignored, and certainly paid off for our Tigers.

My only regret was that Suzanne, Jay and Tammy weren't here to "enjoy" the game, and pay-off on the bet they dodged.

Who knows, maybe we'll meet here again in the play-offs,  and they will run out of alibis.

Glamor Boy Comes to Town

Slave hightailed it back from our flat state capitol Friday afternoon. There was a certain pent up urgency when Mistress and Slave finally had a chance to break that long 48 hour patch of denial caused by my absence for that tedious seminar.

And we kept up the pace Saturday morning, and then again late Saturday afternoon, after Mistress took a long bike ride with her former fuck buddy, Jay.

Last night we were out with some friends, including the former colleague who will be joining me for this afternoon's big game between the Pats and our local Pussycats. While I had attempted to tempt Suzanne, Jay and Tammy to join is here for the game, their series of lame alibis suggested that they had little confidence that their undefeated team could handle to pressure of a road trip to River City.

And they may also have dodged some bad weather: it's been raining buckets here since last night, and one forecast suggests the possibility of hail and lightning at game time. I'm wondering if the NFL's confounding security policies will allow me to wear my grandfather's steel WWI helmet to ward off hailstones - it may not be transparent, but if it's on my head as opposed to in a back pack, do you think I can get through security?

Bad weather actually could be good for the Pussycats. The Pats are one of those "finesse" teams with their high fashion offense and pretty boy QB. I suppose it's no wonder that Suzanne is smitten by him, when you consider what he wears under that red white and blue jersey:

But lightening, rain and hail might tend to disrupt the finely tuned rhythm between glamor boy and his new "receivers", particularly with his favorite tight end locked up and awaiting trial, and another of his favorite receivers now doing his smurf routine for our Western Correspondent's Donkeys out west. We just hope Suzanne and her lads enjoyed yesterday's victory by the Red Sox, since this afternoon may not be quite as rewarding. By the end of the game, they may all want to share Jay's pain relievers. Or just dull the pain with some exotic sex.

Now it's time for Slave to go upstairs and tend to Mistress's pre-game requirements. We all have quiky rituals we need to deploy for good karma, and I think you have an idea what that involves here at the UCTMW World HQ. It will certainly include a "good luck" power tool.

Essential Personnel?

Sin and some of our other readers who are "foreigners" may be a little curious about what the fuck is going on here in the good old USA.

Well of course there are two sides of most stories, and the "main stream media" likes to pretend that each side is equally valid, even when one side may be full of excrement. But here at UCTMW we are free to eschew many of the boring rules that bind "journalists", so  I am free to sum it all up in a less varnished form.... stay with me here....

1. Back in 2010 or so, Congress passed and the President signed a law that was supposed to allow most Americans to get "affordable" health care.... like most of you folks in the developed world long have had. It's a rube goldberg type contraption, which was required to buy off the big health insurers, medical and hospital lobbyists, drug and medical device makers who can lead most of our members of Congress around by the nose. Nevertheless, the members of the Republican party in our Congress unanimously opposed this contraption as a bound to fail "big gubmint" experiment that was a threat to our freedoms. In their view health care is not a right, but a product. You get what you can pay for, and no more!

2. Republicans took over one house of our Congress in 2010, led by a "Tea Party" faction (named after those Bostonians who tossed British Tea into the drink back in the 1700's because they thought the tea taxes were too high). Tea Partiers have a problem with a whole bunch of folks who did not look like "Real Americans" who they believed were "taking over" their country. Many of these folks believed the President is not a "real American", question his birth certificate, yada yada. Repealing "Obamacare" became their rallying cry.

3. In 2012, the voters did not buy this particular product, re-electing the President, and rejecting the guy who said he would repeal Obamacare. (The same guy who had "invented" Obamacare in Massachusetts, but that's a whole different story).

4. Now, a year later, ignoring those election results, the Republicans in the House of Representatives say they won't authorize spending another dime of federal money - as is their right - until the President and the other chamber of Congress agree to pull the plug on that evil health care program they call Obamacare.  Well.... not exactly another dime.... "essential" personnel still get paid. And of course the Members of Congress and their loyal staffers are "essential". (at least they are sticking to that story). So is the President and some of his senior staffers.... and about 1/2 of the federal work force.

How they decide who's essential? Who the hell knows. About 800,000 federal workers have been laid off.... millions more are still showing up for work, but have no idea when they will be paid. Soldiers are getting paid. But not the guys who protect Congress or the President. Or Park Rangers.

National Parks are closed. Little kids are getting turned away from their pre-school classes. Or their cancer treatment at the National Institutes for Health.

Naturally there are lots of fingers being pointed in every direction. The House won't vote simply to pay for the government, even though all of us saps are still paying our taxes, unless it's tied to canceling health insurance for millions of people who don't have it now.  The President and the Senate won't go for the Obamacare poison pill. So there is a stalemate, with both sides digging in their heals.

Who knows when this will end. Or if in 2 weeks Congress will let America default on it's debt, letting all those countries and banks and investors who buy our "gold plated" bonds twisting in the winds.

Crazy, right? It's making the good old USA look like a banana republic. Or Italy. But with worse food and shorter lunch breaks
.

It's also making this old Slave wonder whether I'm essential. And if not, how do I make sure I am. Unfortunately, I've been out of town these last two days, at a really boring seminar. Poor Mistress is home alone, working like crazy. Working so hard in fact that she's had very little time or interest in finding a supplemental cock to entertain her, particularly on days (or nights) like this when Slave is inaccessible and not available to properly serve her needs.

One thing is certain: no one will ever consider you "essential" if you aren't there to regularly and persistently demonstrate those qualities that are so compelling and irreplaceable that your employer (or Mistress) can't even imagine going a day without you!

Slave better get his ass back to River City pronto, before Mistress shuts ME down.