Dear Molly and Mick - The Case of the Naked Primper and Her Whiny Husband

This is one of those days when, in search of blogfodder, we "borrow" a hapless request for advice (this time to "Dear Prudence") and give a more straight forward response than can be provided in "family friendly" publications:
 

Wife walks around nude

Dear Prudence, I am having a rather silly problem with my otherwise wonderful wife. She gets up early every morning before work to go to the gym, and then takes a shower when she gets back to our small, one-bedroom apartment. After her shower, she says she gets overheated easily while we're both getting ready for work. I can understand that -- I've already showered while she's gone, she's been exercising, and then she's showered, plus she needs to use a blowdryer to style her hair. But her way of dealing with this is to walk around almost naked (in just her bra and underwear) until she absolutely has to get dressed to leave for work. She eats breakfast like this, puts on her makeup this way -- she basically just goes about her morning routine with barely any clothes on and sometimes she skips the bra entirely. Under other circumstances, I would enjoy this. But when I'm trying to get myself ready for the day, this is kind of distracting. I find myself getting aroused, and since we're both trying to get out the door for work, it's a bad time for sex. But then I get to work and I'm frustrated all day long. I've tried raising this issue with her (delicately) and she gets offended that I can't control myself after we've been married for eight years, which I find offensive. She's the one walking around half-naked. How can I try to resolve this with her peacefully?

M & M Response:

Well this is certainly a first world problem isn't it? Some folks have a 5 mile walk to the nearest water supply, and you have to "endure" the spectacle of your attractive wife prancing around semi-attired in the morning, making your pathetic little dick all tingly?  We have a friend Suzanne who would suggest you go buy your wife a cock cage to lock on you so this "problem" will go away. Here at the UCTMW World HQ, Mistress also rejects the 1950's standards of morning attire that you seem to subscribe to. I'm sure Ward Cleaver never had to worry about June showing off her perky little breasts over her morning coffee. Lumpy Rutherford might pop in and be all scandalized.

We solve the problem by scheduling some early am wakeup sex to take the edge off, but only if Mistress is pleased with my preliminary worship services. And if she determines I am not worthy, she is more than happy to flaunt herself at the expense of me going off to work all horny and longing for her. And, by the way, it's not just in the morning I get the treatment which seems to try your cpacity for self control. How many times have I had to "endure" her nude sun bathing at our SW hideaway while I am doing my field slave duties, chopping back brush or persecuting prairie dogs? And when we are indulging ourselves in some "must see TV" here in the evening, she's usually in some short, silky lingerie, with her lady bits uncovered, teasing me with their proximity and provocative aroma.

Rather than whine about this "distraction", maybe it's time you "man up", fall to your knees and embrace your role as the hapless victim of her early morning tease and denial.

M & M

In case you are interested, here is the much lamer advice that Prudence provided to this whiner:

 

-->

Ah, tempus fugit! At this stage in my life, the way I turn off my husband is to walk around naked.  This is a sweet dilemma, so it's too bad you both get so annoyed with each other over the fact that after eight years the sight of your undressed wife bouncing around the apartment is so arousing. I get letters from women wishing that their husbands weren't lounging around with the family jewels draped over the upholstery (they do not find it a turn-on).  But I think yours is the first from a guy who finds his wife's toilette so distracting he can't get out the door.  But surely, once you're at the office, you are able to focus on the marketing data and don't spend the whole day moaning over your morning testicular vasocongestion. If you're not able to move on and save it for later, you sound very juvenile. Instead of continuing to fight over this, try taking action  (not the kind of action that will make you late for work). Buy a pretty, short, sheer robe for your wife and give it to her as a gift. Explain that she's so damn attractive that if she were a little more covered in the morning it would help you focus on the day ahead. Tell her she of course doesn't have to wear it, but you know that color looks great on her, and you hope it's lightweight enough that she can put it on without getting overheated. Let's hope that she takes your gesture in good spirit and likes the robe. Of course, if it's silky and sexy, seeing her in it may have the unintended consequence of overheating you.