Our Senior Correspondent On Positive Discipline

It’s a common joke that it is difficult to discipline a masochist because they enjoy it. I maintain that a Dom who really understands his or her sub will know exactly how to create an appropriate discipline. Bill would be one of those Doms.

Recently, I made a huge mistake in judgment and Bill reacted swiftly with a punishment that really was a tough disciplinary measure for me. He had me write an email to my closest BDSM blog friends, Doms, Dommes and subs, explaining my prideful lack of good judgment in a situation. I cried; I said my friends didn’t need to know what happens to me physically; I said they would think me weak and never see me the same again.  And as soon as those words came out of my mouth, I knew that once again I was more concerned about the opinion others would have of me than what my Dom wanted for me. Bill took my face in his hands as he said, “Baby, I will not back down from this. You put yourself in a situation of causing more damage to your body due to your pride, and I won’t have it happen again. Write the letter.”

I am sharing this because both the writing of the letter and receiving responses from Molly, Mick, Suzanne, nilla and others has had a huge positive impact on me. I have learned the lesson well and along the way have learned about the support in our community of BDSM bloggers.

Here is the letter:

Dear Friends,

I made some poor decisions earlier this week and Bill decided that as discipline I would write to you and tell you not only about my errors in judgment, but also share the physical difficulties brought on by my actions.

I know he is correct in thinking you will understand how difficult this is for me to do and also know that this is a tougher punishment than any he has administered in a long time.

I know this is done out of love for me.

On Thursday I met with an acquaintance from (city where we once lived) who I know to be a gossip. I cannot walk or move as well as I could when we left (that city) and I did not want the woman to go back there and present me as being weak or unhealthy.

Offense: I did not take care of Bill’s property in a manner that would keep his property healthy and happy. I am his submissive; I am his property.

1)  I argued with Bill that I was perfectly capable of driving to (meeting location) alone. Bill insisted that he would drive, drop me off and go look for a bookstore.

2)  I argued with Bill that I would rather use my crutches than my wheelchair. Bill felt the restaurant seats might be uncomfortable and that getting up and down without someone there to help me would be difficult. I talked to him about my embarrassment when my wheelchair sticks out into aisles and when restrooms are not truly wheelchair accessible. He agreed that I could use the crutches as long as I agreed to ask for assistance if needed.

 3) I have trouble regulating my body temperature and when we read that Thursday would be a day of record heat, Bill suggested I call and cancel. I argued that this woman was going to keep bugging us and I might as well get it over with and that with air conditioning in the car and the restaurant I assured him I would be fine.

Outcome:

1)  Bill was correct, I could not have driven that far. Explanation below.

2)  The seats in the restaurant were very bad and I almost fell trying to get up and out of the seat by myself. I didn't ask for help. Bill was right; I would have been more comfortable and safer if I had used my wheelchair.  

3)  The air conditioning in the restaurant wasn’t working correctly but I thought I could take the heat and didn’t call Bill to pick me up early. Due to the heat, by the time Bill picked me up I was already having some problems. I lost muscle control and could not remain sitting upright in the car on the trip back home. By the time we arrived home I was in fairly bad shape. Bill had to put me into bed, prop my body in position with pillows and force fluids. I began having seizures a few hours later and had to increase the dosage on seizure medications. I had to spend Thursday evening, all day Friday and most of Saturday propped upright in a recliner or bed.

My vanity and stubbornness in wanting to appear less disabled than I really am resulted in harm to Bill’s property and will not be permitted to happen again.  

The truth is that I am where I am physically and the people who truly care about us will deal with that. What anyone else would think or say is inconsequential and not our problem.  

Thank you.
Love,
Donna

I deserved that punishment and, as opposed to feeling belittled, I found the responses restorative. The Doms/Dommes were clear in reinforcing that I had made serious errors in judgment, that I am, indeed, Bill’s property, and they hoped I had learned from this experience. Each of them also gave me a little positive stroke, a kind word. The subs were right in the trenches with me, understanding how hard it was for me to write the letter and every single one of them made a comment about how fortunate I am to have a Dom who knows me so well and cares so much for me that he would know exactly how to turn this experience into a lesson I would never forget.

And they were right. He is an amazing Dom, he knows me well and I appreciate that he loves me enough to discipline me when needed.

Hugs to all,
Donna