Too darn hot.

It is so damn hot all over this country! Mick was correct in the blog yesterday in saying I am concerned about public health, it went along with career territory. I offer you today some suggestions for cooling off in this heat and, as a bonus, have thrown in some suggestions for keeping things safe.

For those of us who live near a trout stream in the mountains, cooling off can be as simple as going fishing. This picture is a clear demonstration that one can wear proper safety gear and still stay cool. I know you are wondering whether this is a photo of Bill but, of course, I’m not telling.

A suggestion I would make for those who don’t have access to a stream for fishing, is an ice dildo. This involves placing a condom in a toilet paper cardboard tube, stretching the top of the condom over the top of the tube, filling with water and freezing for five or six hours.  Run it under cool water until you can peel off both the cardboard tube and the condom. Continue holding it under running water until it starts to melt, you don’t want that painful tongue frozen to a lamppost thing going on with delicate tissues. And now you are ready to play.

Usually outside play is best for this due to the drip factor. How to play, you ask? Well, you are sure to garner attention as you use it as a dildo in your favorite orifice, or two, as you lounge by the pool or on a soft towel under a shady tree. Or, you can use fruit juice instead of water in the making of the dildo and suck on it as you dream of cooler climes, or whatever it is that sucking brings to mind for you.

Frozen dildos can be especially fun for BDSM parties celebrating a new collar or some other great event. Each D/s team is given a frozen dildo and the game is to see which team can make their dildo melt the fastest using only body parts. Woo-hoo! And if you followed the helpful hint above and used juice rather than water, the clean-up, using tongues only, can be even more enjoyable than the original game. And we all know that fruit juice is good for us.

Some people don’t seem as bothered by the heat as others. Take the WC; he loves to work on his tan. For the sake of our readers at UCTMW, I have completed a very thorough inspection of this photo, and I can see that the poor man is not sweating adequately. That can be very dangerous, indeed! Should you observe this situation, you should insist the hunk come into the air conditioning with you and you should check him out with the standard BDSM tests for energy, stamina and hydration immediately! Should he become disoriented and attempt to walk away, you can break out the Shibari books and Twisted Monk gear and tie him up or down until he comes to his senses, or just comes. Whichever.

We all know that common sense, water and sunscreen should always be our focus during a heat wave. Take, for example, the picture below. Being a person concerned about public health, I would insist this car wash be moved to a location in the shade and then would volunteer to check to be sure the correct amount of sunscreen is applied to these fine bodies from head to toe and all regions over and under and in between. As with lube, better too much sunscreen than not enough, and regular application is absolutely vital. To that end, I would also volunteer to stay for the entire car wash, checking regularly to make sure the sunscreen didn’t wash off. My dedication to public health is almost astounding, isn’t it?

In the end, I suppose the best thing we can do is try to find a way to keep our minds off of the heat and know that, in the words of our grandmothers, this too shall pass. And, it won’t be long before we can go back to complaining about the cold weather.

In the meantime, I will share a few ideas to take your mind off the heat.

Time to break out those fans and try to stay cool!

Donna