Bored Wife Syndrome? In Search of a Cure.

Mistress is the one away this weekend, off to visit our daughter down in GA. We had some great “reunion” sex on Sunday evening, and more on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday mornings. One accelerant that stoked our sexual fires was Mistress recounting her “while slave is away” sleepover with her old (and maybe current) lover Jay.

“It was hot, slave.  Like old times. I think he missed me……”

“I’m sure he did, Mistress.”

My guess is Jay will be coming around again soon. Though I think he likes it a lot more when he is the only man in the house. Sharing is not one of his strong suits.

Sadly, with Mistress away, slave doesn’t have much blogging inspiration to work with (other than Mistress’s description of the two business men who chatted her up at the ATL airport on Thursday morning).  

SO let's discuss a recent Atlantic article,  The Bored Sex, which validates our embrace of the cuckold lifestyle.  Hint: “The Bored Sex” is not male.  As the lead suggests “women, more than men, tend to be stultified by long term exclusivity…..” Here’s a taste:

Andrew Gotzis, a Manhattan psychiatrist with an extensive psychotherapy practice, has been treating a straight couple, whom we’ll call Jane and John, for several years. They have sex about three times a week, which might strike many as enviable, considering that John and Jane — who are in their 40s — have been together for nearly two decades. Based on numbers alone, one might wonder why they need couples counseling at all.

But only one of them is happy with the state of play. And it isn’t Jane.

“The problem is not that they are functionally unable to have sex, or to have orgasms. Or frequency. It’s that the sex they’re having isn’t what she wants,” Gotzis told me in a recent phone conversation. And like other straight women he sees, “she’s confused and demoralized by it. She thinks there’s something wrong with her.” John, meanwhile, feels criticized and inadequate. Mostly he can’t understand why, if his wife is having sex with him and having orgasms, she wants more. Or different.

The article quotes a variety of studies suggesting that women can more quickly get bored with monogamous sexual relationships than their male partners.

Although most people in sexual partnerships end up facing the conundrum biologists call “habituation to a stimulus” over time, a growing body of research suggests that heterosexual women, in the aggregate, are likely to face this problem earlier in the relationship than men. And that disparity tends not to even out over time. In general, men can manage wanting what they already have, while women struggle with it.

So how does a modern woman avoid that dreaded “habituation to a stimulus”? (i.e.,  hubbie’s same old, same old cock?)

Obviously, look for new stimuli!

Although this article mentioned strategies like toys, lingerie and even open marriages, the glaring hole was cuckoldry (with or without a FemDom chaser).

But it’s so obvious! If women are more likely to succumb to  sexual blahs than their male mates, then why not open things up for the female partner to acquire a “side dish” (or a variety of side dishes) as a relationship matures?

What’s good about a  “sidedish” is that it can be more readily replaced or recycled than a “main course”. Tired of fries?  How about some sweet potatoes?  Grilled eggplant? Or even deep fried Brussell sprouts? They all go well with a steak!

If the husband hopes to remain the “main course”, it behooves him to make sure there is a compelling variety of “side dishes" on the menu.

And if it just so happens that a bride’s enjoyment of a side dish (or three) is a source of stimulus for a sub-hubby, all the better!

While the slave's away.....

slave is spending a short weekend on the east coast, visiting my daughter and my cute (relatively) new grand daughter. It left Mistress with an open dance card for the weekend. One that she had no trouble filling.

"Jay's coming over Friday night."

"Oh?  It's been a while, Mistress..... what brought this on?"

"WE had lunch last week, and I mentioned you would be away.  He's been acting like he wanted to resume our "old times", So he suggested that the time was right...."

Older readers will remember Jay.  He's been around for maybe 5 years or so.  Things heat up, and then he backs away, seemingly confused and frustrated about this 'fucking some other guy's wife' thing.  Not everybody gets it, after all.  I think he'd like my wife all (or at least more) to himself.

As I was packing my bag on Thursday night, Mistress described their plans.

"He' meeting me here at 5 slave.  I told him to just let himself in, and that I'd be waiting for him in bed.  It's my nap time after all."

True that.  We usually share a late afternoon nap before dinner.  At least Mistress won't be alone for that.

"Then we're going out to dinner.  He'll be spending the night....."

"sounds like you won't be too horny while I'm gone, Mistress. "

"No slave,,,,, you may be without sex for the weekend, but I'll keep the home fires burning for you here."

It's been good to see my daughter, and spend some 'grumpy time' here.  But I made sure to stay in touch with Mistress to make sure all was going according to plan.  She gave me a call after she returned from dinner.  It turned out that dined at a nearby hipster bistro  where we had dinner on Thursday night.

"It was funny slave.... we had the same waiter.  He recognized me and I joked with him that last night I'd been there with another guy.....he thought it was funny."

No doubt.

I wonder who left the bigger tip.

"We're going to bed now, slave.  Sleep tight....."

I suspected I would be getting more sleep than she did.

In the morning I got another call around 8 am.

"Morning slave.....Jay's downstairs making himself some coffee, so I thought I would check in....."

"Aww.... that's usually my job."

(I usually made Jay's coffee when he slept over.)

"I know, but I think he'll figure it out...."

"So how did it go?"

"It was nice. Like old times.  We agreed it had been about 15 months since the last time.....he says he wants to do this more often again, whatever that means."

"I bet he feels more comfortable with your slave out of town....."

"You're probably right..... well I think he's coming back upstairs.  There's going to be more sex here before he goes home around 11.  Have a good morning slave!"

And I did.  But it wasn't easy to lose the thought of Mistress back in bed for a leisurely Saturday morning roll in the hay back in River City.

Spanking?

An anonymous reader left a comment yesterday and asked a question.  And since the "reply" function doesn't seem to be working as it should, I suppose this is the best way to respond. So consider this a follow up answer to a follow up question.

The comment came from a Dominant wife who said that she and her husband have been fantasizing about the possibility of her hypothetical Bull / Dom administering a bare bottom spanking to her hubby.  She wanted to know if we've talked about this in the Collins household.

Quite frankly, it's not something that's come up. I guess we still are focused on achieving Cuckold Level I.  Being spanked my Mistress's lover sounds like a post-grad course taken in Cuckold Level II. 

But it did open up some thoughts on what might be part of  the escalating humiliation of the cuckold husband in an evolving relationship involving a wife's dominant Bull lover.  

We've discussed or fantasized about:

• Mistress "pegging" her slave as her lover observes and eggs her on.
• Mistress using her riding crop on slave as her lover observes.
• Mistress being required to turn the key of slave's cock cage over to her lover.
• Mistress taking her lover's direction on when and how she can have sexual relations with her slave / husband.
• Mistress also being required to wear some sort of chastity device.

Obviously, these are variations on the cuckold theme that could be added on to the menu as a relationship escalates. 

As always, thanks for your comments and questions!

Q. and A. for Molly and mick (follow-up):

Hope you enjoyed our initial round of Q. and A.  I know Mistress was happy that her slave prepared some early morning reading for her. It provides something to accompany that initial wave of wake-up worship that (if done satisfactorily) leads to some wake-up gratification for her slave.  But our initial answers  generated some "follow up" questions. Unlike Sarah Hucka-Sans,  or her boss, we always indulge follow up questions!

Q. That part-time Dom want ad could have been written for a single woman.  There's no mention of a husband, let alone a husband. Are you looking for (a) a Dom lover for Molly, or (b) a Bull / Dom who will both control her and take an active role in the cuckold dimension of your relationship?

Interesting observation, dear reader. That want ad was written in the early stages of the blog, when Mistress and slave first began exploring what all this meant.  The contract we signed  came from a form found on the internet, with major revisions by us after some "negotiating". It allowed Mistress to take lovers, and we discovered that the concept gave us both a visceral thrill. But I don't think either of us had thought through the additional dimension of "cuckolding" at the time.

Before answering your question, Mistress and slave have spent some time (in and out of bed) discussing how best to respond.

At this point,  I think either (a) or (b) would appeal to Mistress. It's fair to say that Mistress would enjoy developing a relationship with either a Dominant lover who was just neutral on the Cuckold aspect of engaging with a married woman, or a Bull / Dom (as you describe it) who would exercise increasing control over her, and, as part of that control, exercise control over her slave / husband. But I think both of us would see (b) as the preferred situation.

Out contract has a clause that allows Mistress to essentially "assign" various rights to another person, male or female. So whether you look at Mistress's rights to dominate her slave as "assignable", or look at it from the point of view of a dominant lover becoming her Master, including  the right to her "property". either way, her dominant lover would have inherent powers over her husband as well.

That's getting a little too legalistic, isn't it?

Let's just say that both of us think that the concept of a Dominant lover who took more control over Mistress and her slave is compelling.  It's sort of the "holy grail" of the cuckold relationship, but easier to talk or fantasize about than actually accomplish.  As Mistress put it when we reflected on one encounter more than a year ago where slave was required to provide a service to one of her lover's that I had never performed before, "I did like the idea of him humiliating you in that way slave. It was very hot."

Q. Please tell me from both Molly and mick's perspective your ideal scenario's with a  Bull / Dom who "get's it" and is very comfortable with the cuckold dynamic?  What would the ideal scene entail?

Let's start by noting that furtive imaginings can come crashing down when confronted with the complications of a real life experience. Actually engaging in these types of scenarios requires a level of comfort and attraction for Molly that can take a while to achieve, and is hardly guaranteed.  That said, we've discussed this some, both in and out of the "throws of passion".  Here are some things that would be appealing to both of us.

• An evening at home might begin with slave in his cage, required to display it for her lover's amusement, and slave's humiliation. Maybe Mistress's lover would take possession of the key to his cage on these occasions, to remind all who is in charge.
• Slave might be required to prepare  and serve dinner while Molly and her lover relax in our living room, enjoying some wine. Kissing, fondling optional. Molly might even be required to give her lover as blow job as slave observes.
• Handcuffs, collars, or other emblems of submission might be worn by Molly or slave at various stages of the evening. States and manner of dress (or undress) could also be dictated.
• Slave might be required to "prime the pump" by performing fluffing duties for Mistress and / or her lover.
• Molly likes the idea of being "taken" while her slave is forced to watch, preferably bound and unable to interfere as she is ravaged and brought to orgasm.  
• Molly also likes the idea of being comfortably bound and teased to orgasm. Begging optional.
• Spankings for defiant or mischievous attitudes or behavior would be a welcome part of her lover's effort to "tame" her and win her submission.
• slave might be sent to an adjoining bedroom, forced to listen to his wife and her lover as they enjoy one another's company until morning. Of course, slave would be available to serve coffee on demand. or Breakfast in bed. 
• There might be occasions when Molly and her lover spend the night alone somewhere, and Molly later describes their encounters in explicit detail.
• As the relationship progressed,, and Mistress's lover took on  more control of the relationship, he might establish rules for Mistress and slave's sexual encounters, including frequency, forms of intercourse, and slave's chastity. 

Obviously, these are just some possible scenarios. Presumably any Bull / Dom lover would bring many of his own "perverse" ideas to the table that would earn even deeper submission from both Molly and her slave.

Hope this answers your questions.