SW Hideaway or Bust

Mistress and Slave are buzzing through the "Show Me" state now, headed west for two weeks of R & R at our SW hideaway. We have our mobile wi-fi humming and the back of the wagon stuffed with items that will help us un-stuff the UCTMW HQ and over stuff our hideaway.

You will be happy to learn that Mistress's sometimes lover Jay threw her a brief but "muy caliente" bon voyage party at his house yesterday am, before she had a lunch meeting with some German businessmen that coincided with the World Cup game.

As for the encounter with Jay, which came not long after our traditional "wake-up" sex, Mistress reported that it was "a quickie".

"But we must have felt a need to cram into our 45 minutes all of the things we usually do in 90 Slave....sucking, fucking from above, behind, and wherever...."

"Sounds like you used your time efficiently, Mistress...."

"We did, Slave ... and he said that my butt seemed even firmer than the last time....maybe it's the  swimming I've been doing?"

"Could be Mistress.... but you've always had a firm butt...."

Before we headed to bed, Mistress had a flirtatious conversation with Jay, where they rehashed some of the mornings activities. Sort of post-game analysis, but a little hotter than on ESPN.  When she slid into bed next to me, I was most anxious to worship her well exercised clean shaven folds.

"It's been a while Slave.... I doubt you can tell I was with Jay this morning...."

I came up for air briefly....

"Hmmm.... you still seem a little damp down here Mistress..... were you toying with your folds when chatting with Jay....?"

Mistress issued her standard denial.

Our Western Correspondent Gets an "Accomodation"

Our under-productive Western Correspondent has not been heard from much of late. Meaning that he is more under-productive than even his low standards have led us to expect. Could it be that the legalization of marijuana in his hometown has had a dramatic impact on his ability to put a sentence together, with or without punctuation?  Could be.

But our Senior Correspondent Donna and her husband Bill, Director of Security have another theory:

The WC may be suffering from a disability induced by a certain persistent and repetitive motion using his right hand.  A severe case of carpal tunnel syndrome may well have made it impossible for the poor lad to operate a key board without severe pain, thereby explaining  the absence of a dispatch from our Mountain time zone branch office for some time.

But have no fear, Miguel. Help is on the way. Donna and Bill have found some break through technology that will give your right hand a new lease on life, and also reduce those outrageous expense account charges for drums of high end lubricant that have helped reduce the UCTMW tax bill to "nil" (as the World Cup announcers like to put it).  Here is a description of the new device we've shipped your way:
 

A Chinese hospital in Nanjing, capital of Jiangsu Province, has introduced a new machine that makes sperm donation even easier- an automatic sperm extractor. I’m all for hands-free technology, but have scientists gone a little too far with this invention?

The effortless machine features a massage pipe that can be adjusted to suit the height of the user. All the gentleman has to do is plug in the frequency, amplitude and temperature and off they go. It’s also fitted with a small screen for those feeling uninspired.

According to the director of the urology department of the hospital, the machine is designed to help individuals that are finding it difficult to retrieve sperm the old fashioned way. We're not entirely convinced that standing in a room shared by many other people and being milked like a cow is going to help, but their efforts are commendable. Here’s to technology.

This link (sperm extractor) includes a video showing how the device "in action".  

We're  hoping that with a few weeks rest with the help of this new device, your carpal tunnel symptoms will recede and you'll be back to your typically barely productive self! And if this does not work, maybe Suzanne can come back from her extended leave of absence and have you fitted for a cock cage.

Medical "Consult"?

After a long and trying day, both Mistress and Slave were longing for a bike ride to shake out the cobwebs. But just as rush hour approached here in River City, the thunderstorms moved in. We loitered about the house for a while in our riding attire, hoping for a break in the downpour, and when it eased a bit we took that as a sign to climb on our bikes and hit the road.

As it turned out our timing could not have been much worse -- halfway through the ride the downpour accelerated. By the time we were home, after dodging thunderbolts, we were soaked and chilled.

Slave poured Mistress a Tequila. I grabbed some medicinal Jameson, and we slid into the double sized tub here in the new/old UCTMW world HQ to warm up. After a good soak, Slave did his best to add to Mistress pleasure by use of my lips and tongue.

At about this time, Mistress mentioned she had been to her internist today for a check-up in advance of a minor surgical procedure she has scheduled for later in July. "I've seen him the last few times, Slave. He's very handsome."

"Does he flirt, Mistress?"

"Hmmm.... a little, Slave.  And then there's the surgeon..... he's pretty handsome too."

"Maybe you should invite them both to a joint consult, Mistress..... it can't hurt to get your medical team together to compare notes."

Looking for a Summer Getaway?

A few weeks back our (formerly) sex blog colleague "Fury" was looking for some suggestions for a summer getaway. Ireland and Italy were on her list. But with a suggestion from Donna, our Senior Correspondent, now we know that tiny Iceland should be added to that "I" name list too.  Fury be treated to cooler temperatures, very long summer days and bountiful sweater shopping. But as a special treat, she could also enjoy the chance to ponder all the options available to an open minded female at the Icelandic Phallological Museum in beautiful cosmopolitan Reykjavik.

Here is a link to their sight, for a virtual "warm up" tour.http://www.phallus.is/en/.

According to their website:
 
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The Icelandic Phallological Museum is probably the only museum in the world to contain a collection of phallic specimens belonging to all the various types of mammal found in a single country. Phallology is an ancient science which, until recent years, has received very little attention in Iceland, except as a borderline field of study in other academic disciplines such as history, art, psychology, literature and other artistic fields like music and ballet. Now, thanks to The Icelandic Phallological Museum, it is finally possible for individuals to undertake serious study into the field of phallology in an organized, scientific fashion.  

Don't you love the logo:

And there are some lovely photos available which provoke the imaginations, and might even get some of you lady readers juices flowing over your morning coffees. 

I suspect 'Nilla's creative juices would start flowing, making her  branch out from tentacles, if she got up close and personal to one of these whale penises:

Naturally, there is a Museum store, where you can pick up all things phallic: T-Shirts, keyrings, coffee mugs, yada, yada. Maybe we can persuade our local public radio station to use these as fundraising premiums for the next interminable pledge drive. I liked this little "conversation piece" for your coffee table:

What got Donna interested in this subject (well the museum. I think she's been interested in cocks since she was 11) was this blurb in the Huffington Post:

 

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If tiny Iceland has a worldly cultural showcase, it is the Icelandic Phallological Museum, founded in Reykjavik in 1997 and housing 300 penises and penile parts from 93 different animals. So far, however, it lacks an exhibition-worthy human penis. That omission is about to be remedied, as Mr. Jonah Falcon, a New York City D-list celebrity with an organ that measures 13 1/2 inches, has accepted an invitation to donate (presumably not in the flesh until he dies). Falcon notably refuses to appear in pornography, but said he regards this mission, for what Huffington Post called the Louvre of penises, as a higher calling. 

When I read about some New Yorker contributing his 13" penis to the Museum it got me thinking. WC, are you going to let some duffus from the Big Apple try to put his cock on display without some competition from the Special Occasion Cock?

I hope this development  provokes you to write up an organ donation form right away. Yes, I'm sure your tempted to donate it to someone who could use the added self esteem that would come with that sort of enhancement - say LA Governor Bobby Jindal?  But think of your place in history man? And all those ladies getting pokies under their Icelandic Sweaters for generations to come as they examine what your legacy and ponder what could have been.