Mistress Channels Groucho

Groucho Marx:

·  I sent the club a wire stating, "PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT PEOPLE LIKE ME AS A MEMBER".

• Telegram to the Friar's Club of Beverly Hills to which he belonged, as recounted in Groucho and Me (1959), p. 321

This famous quote, recycled by Woody Allen in at least one of his movies (can anyone remember which one.... maybe Annie Hall?) captures Mistress's mood about her latest AM suitor, Steven.

Of all the supplicants these last two week, he made the cut for further exploration. And at first blush he seemed like a suitable candidate. Handsome, smart, articulate, ardent,  and Mistress got a little thrill when he fondled her thigh under the dinner table, her Slave unaware of this stealth advance.

Sure, part of the whole cuckold/AM thing is to provide Mistress with the thrill of the pursuit... i.e., someone pursuing her. But in Steven's case, the pursuit may have turned more into fawning.

"It's this constant barage of texts and emails, Slave.... and if I let one sit in my onbox for more than an hour, then it's "didn't you get my text?"

"Sounds more like a girl, Mistress. "

Of course, Mistress has a life, and a very busy one these days. Work. Packing up the UCTMW WOrld HQ for our "downsizing" move to our urban hipster hideout closer to the center of things. Plus our daughters are back in the mix, expecting (and deserving) their share of attention. Mistress likes the fact that this guy finds her overwhelmingly desirable, but doesn't he have a life too?

After our 3 way dinner last week, they did meet up one on one for a drink on Tuesday. Mistress made sure her Slave was in the cage while she tested the waters solo with her prospect. Afterwords, she reported that things went well enough.

"He clearly wants me, Slave".

And there was a brief make out session in the parking lot before they went their separate ways. 

"He's a pretty good kisser....."

But still. Maybe a little too obsessive. Is this comparable to Groucho rejecting that invitation from a club who's standards he questioned?

Last night we discussed how to handle it.

"Should I send him a mano-to-mano email passing on some feed back, Mistress.... or maybe you send him a frank email reporting on where you are with all of this right now, and suggesting he cut back on the seige via email and text until our move is complete and there is a better feel for whether there really is any chemistry between you?"

At deadline for this post, she was still undecided. And the text messages were still coming.

Any thought, dear readers?

Now Slave's getting back to packing 20 boxes of herbal tea. You can never have enough variety!

Dear Molly and Mick - The Case of the Noisy Spanker

 

 

It’s one of those day’s when Molly and Mick respond to a seeker of advice – this time from the Washington Post’s “Dear Prudence” – when “Prudie” lacks sufficient “hands on”  experience to fully advise her readers.(With illustration).

 

I'M NOT BEING ABUSED!

My new husband and I enjoy very rough sex. Unfortunately - in spite of efforts to keep quiet - my 12 year old daughter overheard us. I got called in for a private meeting with her teacher outside of school hours. She told me my daughter heard her stepfather slapping me and was extremely upset. I was completely taken aback, not to mention embarrassed beyond belief, and couldn't think of anything other than mutter that I was fine and everything was fine at home. Of course, this only made the teacher believe I was trying to cover up the "abuse" and told me repeatedly she was there to help when I was ready. I know I can't just let my daughter continue believing her mother is being abused, and I really don't want this kind teacher to be concerned over a complete misunderstanding. However I just don't know how to begin. Please help.

Dear "rough rider",

You really are in a pickle, and one that could have been avoided. Here at the UCTMW World HQ, we've been known to enjoy and administer some robust spankings and croppings - no doubt the impact of a palm or wooden shoe horn on warm flesh has reverberated through the hallways of our executive suite, and could have been heard in the chambers of our recently returned Co-Eds. And while they have both read "Fifty Shades" by now (what teenager hasn't?), we doubt that they would have been savvy to the concept of "rough" but consensual "discipline" as part of their parents' mating habits at age 12. Heck, at age 12 who wants to even think that their parents have consensual kissing other than on the cheek.

So over the years we've saved our more robust escapades - particularly the sounds of hard impact on tender flesh and the resulting moans of pain/pleasure - for times when the girls are out of the house, or when we can take our fun elsewhere. Sure, there is always the sound of music from our public radio station to drown out errant cries of delight. But then you risk hearing the cackle of "Click" or "Clack" if "Car Talk" comes on just when Slave is getting to the "short strokes". Now that's a mood killer of there ever was one.   

We understand that it's a little harder to arrange for a "kid's night out" when your daughter is only 12. So maybe take your fun outside. Arrange for a sitter, and head to a relatively deserted hiking trail.  Restrain your submissive partner to a tree trunk or branch, and have at him/her! Just remember to bring a soft blankie for the "after care" part.

And as for how to respond to  teacher's concerns? We favor putting our cards on the table rather than risk a "good samaritan" call to the local spouse abuse hotline. Maybe "Believe me, A little spanking is a very hot way to get the juices flowing." If she's hot, why not invite her over for a free sample!

It's a little harder to ease the concerns of your 12 year old though. Maybe "Don't worry dear. Sometimes Mommy and Daddy play a silly spanking game. It's all in good fun, and we always kiss and 'make up' in the end. Daddy would never hurt me or you."  

In the meantime, maybe pull a switch, invest in a strap-on. Some robust ass fucking is not nearly as noisy, particularly if you stick some used panties in hubby's mouth!

M & m.

In case you are interested here is Prudie's more sensible response:   

• – 

May 15, 2014 8:47 PM 

 

I've got to admire your daughter's self-possession and crisis management skills; that was a very difficult decision for her to make. She

have considered going to you, but then concluded that if you were being abused, you likely you would cover up for your husband. So instead of squirming every night about what was going on in your bedroom, she went to a smart place for help.  Now it's time for an honest, if succinct, conversation with your daughter. You should praise her for her concern for you and for making a tough choice. Tell her that your were surprised and embarrassed at the meeting -- which is not her fault! -- so you weren't as articulate as you wished you had been. Say that you understand what she heard worried her, and it's your responsibility for not being more discreet. But explain to her that everything that is going on is totally consensual, you love her stepfather, and you are not being hurt in any way.  Tell her that now that you've aired this, you hope she will feel free to come to you with anything that worries her. You then can call the teacher and say that because you were taken aback at the meeting you were not as articulate as would have liked, but suffice it to say everything that's going on in your home is between consenting adults and your daughter now understands that.  Then get some sound-proofing, or a sound machine for when you and your husband have noisy nocturnal pleasures.

Readers: Let is know if you've had to explain something like this at home and how you've handled it!

Nest Re-Infestation

Mistress and Slave have completed the 36 hour trip to and from the East Coast to collect our daughter from her cute little college campus. The 6 AM departure Friday, and a night in a tacky motel room with our daughter in the hills of West Virginia meant that the two of us had no opportunity for sexy times for 2 whole days!

On the drive home, Slave was increasingly horny. Somehow I could detect the intoxicating scent of Mistress in the passenger seat next to me. Could it be that she had been stoked by the steamy emails and text messages she had been getting on her drive from Steven, her new AM suitor?  Or was I just hallucinating? There's nothing worse than waking up in the middle of the night with a hard on in a Super 8 motel, and not being able to do anything about it because your daughter is in an adjoining bed.

Once home mid-afternoon on Saturday,  after we had offloaded all the stuff that she had crammed into her tiny dorm room double,   our daughter pronounced that this really is not her home anymore. She sees herself as far more cosmopolitan than someone with a provincial River City address. After all, she has an "internship" in NYC this summer, then plans to spend a year "studying" in Paris starting in Mid-August. Now that she's "homeless" I'm wondering if we can charge her rent for all the Stuff she still keeps here?

But I digress.....

The unloading completed, it was time for Mistress and Slave to take a mid-afternoon "nap". Once the door was closed, it became quickly apparent that both of us needed a little release from the mounting sexual tension that had been forced to the back burner through the long drive and frustrating night in the Super 8 with our whiney Co-Ed.

"Why don't you insert your device, Slave."

Clearly Mistress was in the mood for a particularly hard cock.

Hopefully, she as not disappointed.

 I know I wasn't. 

HNT / Slave Plays Chaperone

The window on our empty nest time is quickly closing. Tomorrow we head off on the long slog to pick up cute Co-Ed #2 and all her detritus on the east coast. So it may be challenging for Mistress to exploit her new collection of AM contacts in the coming weeks.

Slave continues to monitor and do triage on her supplicants. The scariest part is sifting through all the photos that end up in her inbox. This is more an R rated blog than XXX , so I will spare you the full on penis shots that some guys seem to think will appeal to  a lady in search of  mischief. But here are a few that sum up the less graphic categories of AM preening.

There is the "look how chiseled I am" approach:

Does this guy shave all that surface area? How does he avoid cutting himself?

There is the Asian guy who wants to showcase his tattoos.

 

Apparently the Yakuza must be looking for fresh meat. Mistress does like Sushi.

There are the guys who have problem executing the bathroom mirror "selfie":

There are many varieties of the guy nonchalantly emerging from the surf, Burt Lancaster like, in various stages of dress, or not. Here is an example: 

A particularly unique approach was the guy sporting his wife's lingerie while flaunting his leg hair:

This guy clearly needs to get some sun.  (I am sparing you the companion shots showing his penis spurting onto those cute red panties.)

Finally, there is the guy who wants to show that he can not only take Mistress to new  heights of ecstasy, but is also ready to squire her to a black tie event:

Despite this odd assortment of rejects, Mistress did have an interesting "first date" last night with a gentleman caller who lives not too far away. Sadly, her experience is that meeting these guys "cold" can be excruciating. So she demanded that I join her as a sort of chaparone. This guy seemed via his emails to buy into (and get a thrill from) the whole cuckold concept, even forwarding to her some Tumblr photos and links that stoked that particular fantasy. So it did not seem too odd that the potential "cuck" come along for the first "meet and greet".

Setting out, Mistress was feeling a tad under the weather. Her voice was a little croaky, and it seemed a cold was settling in. "If he's a loser, Slave, you may need to keep the conversation going."

"I will do my best, Mistress."

Of course, just because this gentleman had sent photos did not mean they would be representative or accurate. Been there, seen that. So when we arrived at the quaint little bar / restaurant not far from our house, and Mistress spotted a rather large guy in white pants who looked like he had spent the day riding a gold cart and consuming a 12 pack of Bud, she almost turned around and headed back to the car. 

"Do you think that's him, Slave.....", she whispered with dread.

Fortunately, it wasn't. Steven was upstairs, sitting at the bar, all decked out in a nicely tailored suit. Tall, slim, handsome and clearly making a nice impression on Mistress once we settled into a table and ordered some beverages. 

Once Mistress's tequila arrived, and the two of them were trading stories about where they liked to bike and their AM disasters, Slave was feeling  like the third wheel that I was. I tried to speak when spoken to, like a good Slave should. Suzanne would have been proud of me (even if I was not wearing my cage.)

After dinner, Slave discretely slipped away to the Men's room, leaving them alone for a while. When I returned Mistress shared that they had scheduled  a bike riding date for Tuesday next. Mistress no doubt will need a break from our daughters by then. And it seemed like a good way to ease into things.

When we got home, Mistress indulged her Slave with a worship opportunity before bedtime, and as I buried my face between her thighs, she shared a little secret.

"You know Slave, he was gently rubbing my leg under the table while we were sitting there having dinner and talking."

"Hmmm.... I missed that, Mistress. Was that a turn on?  "

"Oh yes......"