Our Senior Correspondent's Black Friday Shopping Guide

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! 

We hope our American readers enjoy their own family rituals as we take a break from the work-a-day world and reflect on what we have to be thankful for. Of course, at the top of Slave's list is that after I let her sleep in a little later, I can go up to the executive suite here at UCTMW World HQ and spend some quality time between the sheets with Mistress.


After that the day will be a little hectic. While we will be serving the traditional meal here this evening, the family members in town this year are definitely the C list, too heavily larded with the folks who tend to drain the energy from the room rather than bring it to life. We've been desperately looking for buffer guests to light a fire under the "party", but are coming up dry. Maybe our desperation has scared them off?  


Luckily we've planned some other exercise and R & R time into our day, with dinner not scheduled until 6 pm., which our teen, back from college with lots of laundry in tow, claims is unfashionably late. So dinner will pass quickly and painlessly, the usual suspects will try to take home with them more food than they actually contributed, and with any luck, the crowd will be gone by 9 pm, leaving us a long, relaxing weekend in our semi-empty nest.


Which leads to our feature of the day here. One place you won't find us is anywhere near a shopping mall on "Black Friday". So it's nice that Our Senior Correspondent has come up with her own unique Holiday shopping guide to share with all of us.

 

As Senior Correspondent here at UCTMW, I have taken it upon myself to remind you that Black Friday and Cyber Monday are fast approaching and, in a spirit of generosity, I have put together a list of suggestions for those of the kinky persuasion in your life.

For that special Domme with the teeny little PMS problem, I propose this special bra to offer fair warning to all the subs in the area.

For your friends heavily into bondage, I suggest an answering machine on which you have pre-recorded a message saying, "I'm sorry, but I'm all tied up and can't get to the phone right now, please leave a message."

A monogrammed key ring is a very good gift idea for the Dom or Domme who might be into cuffs and chains with key locks. You might also include the business card for a local locksmith, just in case.

 

Good dental hygiene is a must in the world of BDSM for a whole host of reasons, from nipping and biting to attractively displaying handcuffs, as in this photo. My Dom has never asked me to strike that pose, but if you want your sub to bite the cuff, so to speak, maybe a year's worth of dental care might be fitting.

 



For our friends into pony play, how about a cooling unit. Their suits must be really warm. Or perhaps an apprenticeship with a farrier or groom to pick up helpful hints here and there.




 

Tattoos have become extremely popular in the last few years. Why not design and prepay for that special tattoo for your beloved?
(You Don't have to be an Ohio St. football player to enjoy a fancy tatoo).



 

For the Dom/Domme with everything, you might even arrange for a stay at the BDSM B&B, House of Two in New Zealand.








 

But, whatever you do, take some time to put careful thought into your kinky gift gifting this holiday season. And please, try to remember that the words "As Seen On TV" are not always indicative of a fine, quality gift.

No one wants to create a situation where this sign applies to your 2012 sex life:

Hugs,
Donna

Inside UCTMW.... the HR Function

One of the roles that this humble Slave plays here at UCTMW is attempting to manage our burgeoning "staff". As you cans see from the masthead, we recently added Francois as our occasional  Chef and IT Director. But there are others who have been around a little longer.

The WC.... well as you can tell if you've been following us for long.... his lack of productivity is rather shocking, but not in comparison to his ritualistic abuse of the company credit card. I mean how many drums of high end lubricant can a man go through in 6 months? I understand there may be more surface to cover, what with that special occasion cock. But still....

And both Molly and Mick have done their best to stimulate more editorial contributions. Alas, we think there is some type of writer's block at work that may require us to negotiate some sort of  early retirement package. Either that, or M may never have learned to type with one hand, since his other hand usually has other things on it's mind.

But to his credit, the WC did author what remains the 2nd most viewed posting here at UCTMW... his tutorial on ass fucking that has a link to the right. So we will let him cruise on his past glories, something we should all be entitled to do as those glory years fade. (At least until some young stud Mitt Romney wannabee and his venture capitol firm takes over UCTMW and cleans house, outsourcing our work to some deviants hunkered down in some nondescript apartment block in Indonesia or Serbia).

On the other hand, our Senior Correspondent is a model employee. Creative. Curious. Always pitching new story ideas. I wouldn't exactly say she's a suck up. (I'll leave that to her Husband, Bill). As it turns out she has caught the eye of other sex blog media empires, and recently received an offer to "take over" a blog with a substantial following. I may have to dust off the non-compete I had her sign when she started here about a year ago.... but then there is that pesky thing about "no consideration". Let's hope that she will at least consider all the fringe benefits we provide before she is tempted to move onto to greener pastures.

Bill, our Director of  Security, International is efficient, if a little over zealous.  When we had that recent security breach (not his fault, bu the way, we should have paid closer attention to his warnings about screening all visitors to the World HQ), I had to dissuade Bill from engaging some of his old pals from Mossad who had planned a little rendition op that would have resulted in the potential "leak" spending the rest of her days in some sort of squalid POW camp in an undisclosed location.

Francois has been a nice new addition. But I may need to have him make a house call soon. His IT expertise is in demand.

A little concerned about Monday night's incident with the cock caged Mick popping up among Mistress's photos of Polish sausages and public squares, I decided to spend some time on the computer to make sure that a similar embarrassment would not occur should Mistress elect to show her photos to out of town relatives on Thanksgiving.

As a certain swaggering Texas Governor might say, "Oops."

What did I find? plenty of photos of my reddened ass, cocks of various shames, dimensions and states of attention, plenty of clean shaven folds from many angles. It seems that the photos Mistress has on her I-phone have remigrated back to our large screen home computer, even though I ahd taken great pains in the past to delete them.

I had to spend 40 minutes of so going back, deleting them multiple times.  All those porn shots seem to take a life of their own once they enter the "Cloud".  And while there might be worse ways to go, I can imagine the reaction my old cranky Mom would have when while watching a slide show of Eastern European sights, she sees her 61 year old son's cock in a steel cage.

Francois.... HELP!

Inside UCTMW... Editorial Philosophy

Over the weekend, as Mistress and Slave were walking on a cold and windy beach, Mistress took some time to add to her rock collection. (Mistress studied geology some in college, and has an interesting assortment of rocks around the house.... I guess that thing for hard stuff started early in life for her?)

She reached down into the wet sand at one point and came up with a flat rock about 4 inches long with a hole worn into the middle by the elements.  That twinkle was in her eye.

"Hmmm.... I guess we could put some string through this and tie it to your cock or balls slave...."

I raised my eyebrow.  Was she serious?

"Then we could take a picture and put it up on the blog".

"But that would be inconsistent with editorial policy, Mistress.... we don't do cock or cunt shots.... it's a sex blog.... that would make us a porn blog."

Yes, I guess that is our core editorial policy here: It's a blog about sex; but not a porn blog. We want to appeal to our readers' prurient interests, but add a little redeeming social value too.

So, despite her vast collection, we've never posted a picture of the special occasion  cock sent to Mistress by the WC. Nor have you seen a photo of Mistress's clean shaven folds, or Slave's work-a-day cock.

Well... we did come close at times, I suppose. At one point Sin asked to see a photo of my cock in it's cage. Mistress waited until a day when Slave had somehow "misbehaved" (I know it's hard to believe), and then directed me to post that photo:  but I grained it up a bit, and the steel obscured it sufficiently so that that imaginary line between porn blog and sex blog was not crossed.

Which brings up last night.

Mistress had an old high school friend and her new boyfriend, both in town for the holidays, over for dinner. Before hadn, Slave got the lecture:

"remember no funny comments about my French lover, or other 'stuff'."

"Of course not Mistress.... have I ever blown our cover?"

Well I guess I make little inside jokes from time to time about our subterranean lives.... but never anything that could not have a double meaning.

The guest arrived. I poured us all some wine. Molly, her friend and the boyfriend moved to the living room.

Slave was in the kitchen whipping up some mushroom risotto, but stepping into to join the conversation between stirs of the pot.

At some point, Molly began showing them photos of her trip to Eastern Europe on the big computer monitor in the living room.... and I heard a bit of a kurfuffle.... hmmmmm.  I put down my spoon and stepped into the living room.

Mistress, sensing my presence, looked over her shoulder....."I accidentally showed them some porn, Slave...."

You see those photos of WCs cock, once on an i-phone, seem to live forever, no matter how hard one tries to root them out.  I assumed that's what they had seen.

Of course, they denied seeing anything....but there was a bit of embarrassment all around, smoothed over with a little more wine and that delicious risotto.

After our guests left, I asked Mistress to explain what happened....

"It was your cock in the cage, Slave.... it just flashed on the screen for a moment.... I really don't think they knew what it was."

Oh, Joy.

And thanks, Sin.

Inside UCTMW Week.... The Editorial Board Meeting

A few weeks back, Mistress and Slave watched a documentary (via Netflix) about our favorite newspaper, called "Page One: Inside the New York Times." The point was to open the door and look at the decision making processes that grind out the daily news feed from that "Grey Lady". I suspect the doors were opened at the Times to an independent filmmaker in a probably fruitless attempt to put some human faces on an institution that tries a little too hard to pretend to be God on most days, and has taken its share of lumps from the right wing and the markets in the last decade.... but who are we to judge.

Of course, here at UCTMW we fancy ourselves as at the pinnacle of cheesy sex blog journalism, so why not open up the process a little so all of  you aspiring Mollys and Micks can see how things really get done around here.

Take for example, the role our Publisher, Molly Collins plays in giving a final stamp of approval on our daily output.

As it happens, Mick is usually in charge of  written content on the blog, with the exception of occasional postings from the Publisher's desk .

Indeed, when Molly asks the night before, "what are you going to write about tomorrow, Slave", I am usually coy. For two reasons: 1) I really have no fucking idea: and 2) I like to surprise her with my daily spin on our work and play -a-day lives.  The true test of my success here is not how many page views or shout-outs we get, but whether I get some sort of rise from her as she reads the blog and I work my tongue and lips across her legendary clean shaven folds.

But there is one aspect of the blog where Molly exercises complete editorial control: displays of her likeness.  Take last night for example.

We had arrived home from our weekend trip, and had settled into a nice evening of catching up with the accumulated newspapers and watching some TV (nice Woody Allen bio-documentary on PBS). AS we watched I told Mistress I was going to download some photos from "Switch Day" for the blog.

This definitely got her attention. No sooner had they appeared on the screen than she was leaning over my shoulder, critiquing, approving, or sending some of the photos to the trash bin.

"That one's OK, Slave...."

"Ick.... not that one!"

I've learned not to argue on these matters.  though at one point I noted that the approved photo of her lush ass, reddened by by spanks, was not much different than the one she had condemned, which featured her ass msucles clenched tight as she bucked against her favorite power tool.

"Too many lines, Slave....."

But as you cans see, she did find a few shots that met her discerning eye.

As you can see from the photo montage, Slave did bring sufficient supplies to catch up on some missed Switch Day opportunities over the last few weeks. There was the restraining of Mistress's wrists and ankles; a nice firm spanking, in honor of the re-emergence of E, who has a bit of a spanking fetish that Mistress would so clearly like to accommodate; and then as a final "punishment" I slid the magic wand between those clenched thighs, making Mistress squirm and ultimately beg for permission to come.

I do love the way her ass muscles get so tight in those final throes of abandon. But alas, that photo ended up on the cutting room floor. (Maybe our readers can persuade her to authorize that shot, but I've given up).

When Mistress had her fill, one of those emotional cums that had her face red and damp with tears, I released her ankles and wrists, and flipped her over for a nice thorough fucking.  But, always the good Slave, I made sure to ask permission too.