Love Is In the Air

Happy Valentine's Day from the UCTMW media empire!

Here in River City, Slave slipped away from work yesterday to pick up some V Day tribute for my lovely Mistress. I guess I waited a little too long because the lingerie department at our local verstigal Saks store was a little thin by the time I arrived. Apparently V Day is to sexy undies what the 4th of July is to fireworks....

I did find three colorful panties that would seem to suit Mistress, and handed them to the matronly biddy who was presiding at the cash register.

"Would you like me to wrap these for you?"

"That would be nice. Thank you."

"Should I wrap them separately, or together."

"Hmmm..... I guess it's possible they're for three different women....., but in this case, just one box will do".

She gave me a little biddyish smile.

"You'd be surprised what you  hear when you work in the lingerie department...."

She even commented on my selection with approval.....

"I received some hanky pankies a few years back as a gift..... always a nice selection."

Was this lingerie department small talk?  Somehow I didn't want to think of this biddy in the type of sexy undies I just picked out for Mistress.

I snatched my wrapped box and got out of there quickly.  Maybe we've taken this whole V Day thing a little too far.

Yesterday, on our stayed old public radio station, there was an "announcement from a sponsor". It was about where and how to acquire a special V Day 50 Shades of Grey teddy bear. That is "accessorized".  I was wondering what those accessories are?  Cuffs? Whips? Chains?

Actually, only blind folds and cuffs:

I did see in the Washington a special V Day article entitled everything-you-ever-wanted-to-know-about-love-in-25-maps-and-charts.

Here's a few things I learned:
1) Despite all that talk about "family values" those former slave states down south have a higher percentage of divorced and separated households then us Yankee states.
2) Marriage is not as popular as it used to be. Less than 50% of us think marriage and kids should be a priority.
3) More than 38% of us have used on-line matchmaking systems to find lovers, though there is no specific mention of Ashley Madison.
4) More Democrats think an unsatisfying sex life is  a problem for a marriage then Republicans do.
5) Less than half of "White Main Line Protestants" think an unsatisfying sex life is a problem in a marriage, confirming my working theory that Episcopalians are more likely to have sticks up their asses than the rest of us. (Did I get that theory from watching Downton Abbey with Mistress?)
6) A map of common words that folks use to attract others to their on-line profiles betrays certain regional predilections:

So if you're from Kentucky, the word "basketball" is used as your "honey trap". In Michigan and Ohio you seduce around a "bonfire". In Alabama, Mississippi and Georgia you invite your date for some "grilling", which I suppose is better than a "Lynching". (Fortunately, there was no on line dating in the earlier half of the 20th Century.)

There are states, like Louisiana, Arkansas and the Dakotas where the first date is  to take your new match "hunting". And then in Jersey the word is "Lounge". Bada Bing!

In Texas and Oklahoma, folks actually think the word "Oil" will lubricate their romantic prospects. Can "fracking" be far behind?

Sadly, the words "cuckold" , "submit" and "femdom" have not amde the cut yet.

Maybe next year.

Fifty Shades of Marketing

Yesterday the local River City Gazette featured on the front of the "local" section a full page "spread" on the new movie version of "50 Shades of Grey", that BDSM novel for sorority girls and tweeners that has become an international publishing sensation. The article had a 1/2 page still from the movie to take up space that might have otherwise been filled by the words of recently laid off reporters. There was another teaser photo on the front page to make sure you didn't miss the article.

What was the local rag's excuse for what to many eyes would appear to be paid advertising?

It turns out that our local Catholic Archbishop had issued an edict to his "flock" directing them to boycott said movie. The Archbishop's statement read in part:

"In this movie, a young Miss Steele is urged to sign a contract becoming a sex slave and agreeing to an abusive and degrading relationship" which, he pointed out "is in diret contrast to the Christian message of God's design for self-sacrificing love, marriage and sexual intimacy."

The comments section under this article was filled with lots of choice suggestions on the temerity of this edict, including several suggesting that it made some folks more likely to see the movie, and wondering where said Archbishop  was when all those randy Priests were encouraging altar boys to enter into "abusing and degrading" relationships.

But my take was as follows: was this paid advertising, or "earned media"? Either way it was bound to have the opposite effect from what the Archbishop claimed he was trying to accomplish. It made you wonder whether the Diocese would get a cut. You can't have better viral marketing, particularly as folks shared the article with saucy comments on Facebook and Twitter.

It flashed me back to the pre-social media days of my youth in upstate NY in the late 1950's.  The only sermon I can remember from those days was a Priest railing against a new movie called "Baby Doll", which he described as sordid and sinful, and which all good Catholics were told to boycott or otherwise face eternal damnation.  Even at 8 or 9 it sure made me curious about what I was missing.

This morning I pulled up the original movie poster and learned that the movie the Priest was demanding that my parents boycott was based on a book written by Tennessee Williams, and featured crusty old Karl Maldon, who, you may recall, played a Priest himself in "On the Waterfront" and later starred opposite Michael Douglas on "The Streets of San Francisco".  How could old good old Karl have been in a porn flick?

It makes me want to see if I can find it on Netflix.

I suspect that, as with 50 Shades, the Catholic Church's "ban" of "Baby Doll" just helped sell more tickets. You can't get better free advertising than that!

In the meantime, Mistress had been invited to attend an advance screening of 50 Shades tonight with a former work colleague. It's a benefit sponsored by a local purveyor of sex toys called "Pure Romance". I wonder if they invited the Archbishop?  Last night Mistress heard that her friend can't make it. She was offered the tickets and told to bring a friend, but has decided to pass. Of course Mistress may be the only woman under 70 left in America who has not read "50 Shades". She seems completely uninterested in seeing the movie too.

I think she's waiting for the F/m sequel.

Back in the Groove?

Or is it a rut?

Mistress and Slave are back in River City.

After an epic week in our SW hideaway.

All that sun and snow and sex has a tendency to jade one about a return to the work-a-day world.

To shake us put of our desultory mood, Mistress has proclaimed that slave should have an abstinence day today.

"Slave, you really are spoiled. Maybe a day without sex will make you appreciate your Mistress  better."

Well I certainly do appreciate her. But a day focused on her pleasure rather than my own may be a good thing for both of us, don't you think?

Seduction the Italian Way

When we were in our little SW town back in December, Mistress and Slave met Marco,  a local restauranteur, at a charity event. Marco is a 50-ish Italian with a bushy mustache who persuaded Mistress to stop by his restaurant to try his gluten free pizza. Mistress has a thing for pizza, but not for wheat, so this seduction via cuisine definitely pushed some of the right buttons.

We stopped by one night in December, then again twice this week: once with two friends and then again Friday night, just the two of us. Mistress has fallen hard for Marco's gluten free pizza, prepared Italian style with gourmet toppings and a light, thin crust.

The place is in one of those old adobe buildings this town is known for, with a rustic viga beamed ceiling and rough stucco walls. And Marco has his joint  decorated like an old NY mob trattoria, with photos of old movie and singing stars with an Italian connection. Sinatra, Cagney, etc. A little kitschy for sure, but the food is what matters, right?

Marco used Slave's post dinner trip to the rest room to chat up Mistress with a little Italian sweet talk, that Mistress filled me in on later.

"He pointed to that photo of Sophia Loren on the wall, and said I was as beautiful as her, and always will be, Slave....."

"I can't disagree, Mistress.....She was beautiful in her 20's and just as beautiful in her 60's, and you will be too....."

Whole Marco probably isn't Mistress's type, you can hardly blame a man for trying.  And he does know what buttons to push when it comes to Mistress.

Meanwhile, Mistress's old college flame Jeff continues his facebook messaging sweet talk.

"He wants me to send him a selfie, Slave."

"But there are plenty pictures of you on facebook, Mistress."

"I don't think that's what he has in mind..... I think he's looking for something more intimate.  I told him I don't take those sort of photos."

"You didn't tell him that's what your Slave is for?"

"I'm not going there with him, Slave..... at least not yet."

With all this seduction going on, Slave better pick up his game, don't you think?