The Pros and Cons of Slavery

Mistress and slave arrived at our little SW hideaway very early Saturday morning. And so far we are getting into the New Mexico groove.... We took our time with our early morning still groggy from all that travel wake-up sex. Then later after some skiing and a nap, there a more robust pre-dinner exploration of each other's bodies. I really am a pampered Slave, aren't I?

Of course, back of mind during our afternoon session was  that "scientific" study showing the average length of intercourse in each of the 50 states.

"Maybe we need an hour glass to turn over just when we get started to see exactly how long it takes, Mistress?"

With or without a timer, it seemed we exceeded our two states' combined averages, before we settled back to a resting phase.

Then it was get dressed and head out to dinner with two couples - one from Texas and one from Oklahoma -  who are also in town for a a few days.

It was over dinner and after we had all shared a few beverages that the conversation took a rather bizarre turn.

You know how these things go.... from movies we have seen,  to "12 Years a Slave", and then Ol' Mick brings up the recent incident at Ole' Miss involving a noose, a confederate flag, and the statute of James Meridith. My goal was to tell about an interview with Mr. Meridith - who apparently thinks his statute should be removed and calls it a "false idol". But I never got there.

Instead June - a nearly 60  something woman with overly enhanced breasts - reveals she has her graduate degrees from Ole' Miss and launches into a long monologue about how "sure slavery was terrible BUT.... ". You know the story .... there were good traditions that came of it, most slaves were happy, lots of owners treated their slaves well...... yadda and yadda. You could almost hear Dixie playing in the background.

Jaws were dropping. This Slave tried valiantly to save June from further embarrassment  by going in a different direction, as Mistress looked on with that knowing eye that said 'be careful Slave"....

"Well really June, it's just a matter of that whole "involuntary servitude" thing... I mean if someone knowingly volunteers to be a slave, without coercion, and the owner accepts responsibility that would be just fine, wouldn't it?"

She failed to grab the lifeline I was throwing her..... and kept up with her defense of the "peculiar institution".... so I kept adding fuel to my diversionary fire....

"I mean what if you had a written contract you negotiated with your Master or Mistress.... you could even have a checklist of things you were consenting to in advance.... whips.... check..... chains.... check...., attend to the Master's needs... check"

At that point I think Mistress kicked me under the table.....

June apparently thinks I am seriously engaging her on the merits of pre-Civil War slavery, and renews her rant about my stubborn inability to appreciate these matters from the point of view of a plantation owner, who had to work in a very competitive marketplace to fend for his family.

Maybe it was this point that I tried my last smutty diversion.

June was sitting next to me and I put my arm around her shoulder:

"The key is voluntary, June.... I mean what if I volunteered to be your Slave...."

At that point she finally got that I was kidding.... her eyes lit up..... ""Oh yeah, I get it .... handcuffs.... 50 shades of grey.... So that's where you're into, Mick?"

We all laughed, her rant was broken, and the conversation turned to something less divisive.... like how long sex lasts in our respective states. We decided there should be an hour glass built for every state's average time span.... with a big one for New Mexico, and a very small one for Ohio.

But I wonder if Mistress will discipline me for my acting out last night?

On the Road Again

Mistress and Slave are heading west today for a week at our SW hideaway. There's some talk that the WC may come down to visit. He certainly has some 'splaining to about the outrageous bills he's run up on his reportorial expedition to Sochi. I mean, how can you pay $31,250.85 for room service  at a hotel in some podunk town in Russia, when you are also running up charges of $12,684.50 for restaurant meals? (At least service was included.) And should it really cost $4625.42 to rent a fucking  1988 Lada with standard transmission for a week? I thought they had some fancy new public transportation system that Putin built just for the games. Somehow I think the WC will want to have this discussion via Skype.

Fortunately, Mistress and Slave are heading to New Mexico, where according to a recent study, folks take more time having sex than in any other state in our "union". Here is the link:Which states have the longest and shortest sex. According to this study, which may be the product of questionable methodology,  when in New Mexico couples take on average 7:01 minutes to have sex. But here in our so called home state, we only take 2:18 minutes per sexual intercourse.

Here is a chart which gives you a sense of where folks  take their time vs. where it's "slam bang, pass my laptop over honey."

Now I know you're probably  asking --- what are they counting? When I heard numbers in the two minute range, I said to myself "heck, you've barely started the oral worship phase of love making in that amount of time, Slave." But apparently they are not counting foreplay. These times only include the time from urgent insertion to withdrawal in a heap of sweaty exhaustion. But even so, Slave is at an age where the "quick release" is a thing of the past. I guess that's why no one has asked me to suit up as the Pussycats QB?

It does not surprise me that New Mexicans take more time than anywhere else. Life is at a slower pace there for us, and seemingly for most of the folks with whom we interact. Where else do you hear a radio ad for a fence company where the tag line on the ad is "we actually show up when we say we will." So if you take a little extra time in the sack before heading to the office, who's gonna notice?

But what's a little troubling is that West Virginia is second on the list. I associate that state more with black lung and cross breeding. Is reduced lung capacity another explanation for a guy taking longer to get there?

Maybe some of our readers have a theory on why their states place poorly on this chart. Suzanne, I notice that in Massachusetts you get it over with quicker than in New Hampshire and Connecticut. Does that have something to do with Tom Brady or the Red Sox?

In any event, we are looking forward to some slow developing cums in the next week or so.... but wherever you are, just stick the stop watch in the bedside table and enjoy yourselves.

HNT / Crack That Whip

Lots of things to share with our devoted readers, who I expect turn to this page first thing every morning to find out what's really happening in the world of sex, sports, and personal grooming.

First off, I had promised to share some photos of Mistress's V-Day gift, which she has taken a shine too.... Other than when she's suited up for work or the gym, it seems she has been in this silky confection all week. I do like the way you can see her tasty little nubs poking through the front. Don't you?

In addition, I thought I would share this story reporting on the Twelve Most Sexually Satisfied Countries in the World. I must say I was a little surprised to see Switzerland at the top of the list. We traveled there once, and it seemed like a very uptight group. But then it's also a pretty prosperous place, giving them the leisure time to pursue more carnal objectives.  You have to admit that Roger Federer sure looks like he's never had a problem scoring, on or off the court.

Not particularly surprising to me was the absence of the USA, Canada, Ireland,  England and Russia from the list. I guess those are the up tight countries?  Another way to look at it: If your country's team made the semi-final in Men's or Women's hockey at the Sochi Olympics, the odds are you've not been getting your fair share of nooky.  I would enjoy hearing from our readers who live in nation's that did not make the list what they will be doing in the coming year to pick up the slack.

Finally, speaking of Russia, I am sure all of you heard about the shocking incident in Sochi yesterday when roving Cossacks deployed horse whips on members of the band Pussy Riot , who had assembled in their tight dresses and ski masks to sing a tune that poked a little fun at Dear Leader Putin. Here is one link with some video: Cossacks Whip Pussy Riot Maybe they were still cranky about their Hockey team falling to the mighty Finns?

So the post- Communist Russians have revived the Cossack tradition, the guys who were Czarist heavies best known for the Pogroms that burned Jewish villages back in the day? In this country it would be like letting the KKK provide extra security at the Alabama / Auburn game.

(I hear some of you saying: "You mean they don't do that down there?)

When this news broke, I immediately got on the gonzo-wire and asked our Man in Sochi to untangle himself from the Geishas and hit the streets to provide some in depth analysis from his unique perspective:

(Sochi) Cossacks???????

Cossacks???????

WTF is going on around here!!!

Well the big story around the Olympic village is

Cossacks whip Pussy......................... Riot

What is this, one of Donna, Sin or Nila's stories?

Seriously Cossacks?

I though they were all killed off 500 years ago!!

Nope the  reporters around here aren't buying it

Why those Cossacks didn't even have horses.....

Had to be fake Cossacks hired for a promotional stunt to promote Pussy Riot

That is one school  of thought here in the Olympic village among the jaded press corps

Course if you watch the video

Could be just a bunch of assholes dressed as Cossacks (sans horses) hired by Putin

Putin............ why didn't you pay a little  extra for horses, man????

Then you could have sold the story to Fox News 

My vote goes to the asshole theory

Course I knew this country is a few years behind the times

But 500 years??????????

Oh well I am happy to report that the Olympic village has not yet been sacked by Cossacks

If they come rest assured the WC has a foolproof escape plan.......

James Bond style

With Pussy Riot!

Oh well I still haven't made it up to the Alpine skiing venue to actually watch the races

Been too busy right here is Sochi

BTW

Shout out right here to the Japanese national Geisha girls team

GREAT JOB LAST NIGHT GEISHA GIRLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nevetheless............. as the Seer of Sochi predicted 

Ted Liggety wins gold in the Grand Slalom

The Seer saw once again

Its just a gift I have

Oh well

Got to go my friends

Heard these alleged Cossacks are having a party

Got to go watch the hijinks  that ensue 

Your man is Sochi is going into the lions den

Mick 

SEND LAWYERS GUNS AND MONEY  if you don't hear from me......

The in danger's path 

Intrepid reporter always

WC

Thanks, WC. I am wondering if 'Nilla can come up with a story involving Cossacks and Horse Whips. (But please, no tentacles, unless they take some Cossack's ass!).

"A Frank and Open Dialog"

After wake up sex here at the UCTMW World HQ, Mistress and Slave headed over to our gym. Mistress did a spinning class, and Slave did his more solo work-out.  We met up in the lobby about 75 minutes later and as we stepped out into another snowy morning....

Mistress: "That's 7 days in a row of spinning, Slave...."

Slave: "Wow. Your legs must be feeling it...."

Mistress: "They are.... but they feel strong...."

Slave: "Strong and hot, Mistress. I bet you could squash my head like a walnut between those pwerful thighs if I failed to please you."

Mistress: "Then you'd better keep doing a good job, Slave."

I think that last part turned the head of the little old lady passing us on the sidewalk.