On the Road Again

Mistress and Slave are heading west today for a week at our SW hideaway. There's some talk that the WC may come down to visit. He certainly has some 'splaining to about the outrageous bills he's run up on his reportorial expedition to Sochi. I mean, how can you pay $31,250.85 for room service  at a hotel in some podunk town in Russia, when you are also running up charges of $12,684.50 for restaurant meals? (At least service was included.) And should it really cost $4625.42 to rent a fucking  1988 Lada with standard transmission for a week? I thought they had some fancy new public transportation system that Putin built just for the games. Somehow I think the WC will want to have this discussion via Skype.

Fortunately, Mistress and Slave are heading to New Mexico, where according to a recent study, folks take more time having sex than in any other state in our "union". Here is the link:Which states have the longest and shortest sex. According to this study, which may be the product of questionable methodology,  when in New Mexico couples take on average 7:01 minutes to have sex. But here in our so called home state, we only take 2:18 minutes per sexual intercourse.

Here is a chart which gives you a sense of where folks  take their time vs. where it's "slam bang, pass my laptop over honey."

Now I know you're probably  asking --- what are they counting? When I heard numbers in the two minute range, I said to myself "heck, you've barely started the oral worship phase of love making in that amount of time, Slave." But apparently they are not counting foreplay. These times only include the time from urgent insertion to withdrawal in a heap of sweaty exhaustion. But even so, Slave is at an age where the "quick release" is a thing of the past. I guess that's why no one has asked me to suit up as the Pussycats QB?

It does not surprise me that New Mexicans take more time than anywhere else. Life is at a slower pace there for us, and seemingly for most of the folks with whom we interact. Where else do you hear a radio ad for a fence company where the tag line on the ad is "we actually show up when we say we will." So if you take a little extra time in the sack before heading to the office, who's gonna notice?

But what's a little troubling is that West Virginia is second on the list. I associate that state more with black lung and cross breeding. Is reduced lung capacity another explanation for a guy taking longer to get there?

Maybe some of our readers have a theory on why their states place poorly on this chart. Suzanne, I notice that in Massachusetts you get it over with quicker than in New Hampshire and Connecticut. Does that have something to do with Tom Brady or the Red Sox?

In any event, we are looking forward to some slow developing cums in the next week or so.... but wherever you are, just stick the stop watch in the bedside table and enjoy yourselves.

HNT / Crack That Whip

Lots of things to share with our devoted readers, who I expect turn to this page first thing every morning to find out what's really happening in the world of sex, sports, and personal grooming.

First off, I had promised to share some photos of Mistress's V-Day gift, which she has taken a shine too.... Other than when she's suited up for work or the gym, it seems she has been in this silky confection all week. I do like the way you can see her tasty little nubs poking through the front. Don't you?

In addition, I thought I would share this story reporting on the Twelve Most Sexually Satisfied Countries in the World. I must say I was a little surprised to see Switzerland at the top of the list. We traveled there once, and it seemed like a very uptight group. But then it's also a pretty prosperous place, giving them the leisure time to pursue more carnal objectives.  You have to admit that Roger Federer sure looks like he's never had a problem scoring, on or off the court.

Not particularly surprising to me was the absence of the USA, Canada, Ireland,  England and Russia from the list. I guess those are the up tight countries?  Another way to look at it: If your country's team made the semi-final in Men's or Women's hockey at the Sochi Olympics, the odds are you've not been getting your fair share of nooky.  I would enjoy hearing from our readers who live in nation's that did not make the list what they will be doing in the coming year to pick up the slack.

Finally, speaking of Russia, I am sure all of you heard about the shocking incident in Sochi yesterday when roving Cossacks deployed horse whips on members of the band Pussy Riot , who had assembled in their tight dresses and ski masks to sing a tune that poked a little fun at Dear Leader Putin. Here is one link with some video: Cossacks Whip Pussy Riot Maybe they were still cranky about their Hockey team falling to the mighty Finns?

So the post- Communist Russians have revived the Cossack tradition, the guys who were Czarist heavies best known for the Pogroms that burned Jewish villages back in the day? In this country it would be like letting the KKK provide extra security at the Alabama / Auburn game.

(I hear some of you saying: "You mean they don't do that down there?)

When this news broke, I immediately got on the gonzo-wire and asked our Man in Sochi to untangle himself from the Geishas and hit the streets to provide some in depth analysis from his unique perspective:

(Sochi) Cossacks???????

Cossacks???????

WTF is going on around here!!!

Well the big story around the Olympic village is

Cossacks whip Pussy......................... Riot

What is this, one of Donna, Sin or Nila's stories?

Seriously Cossacks?

I though they were all killed off 500 years ago!!

Nope the  reporters around here aren't buying it

Why those Cossacks didn't even have horses.....

Had to be fake Cossacks hired for a promotional stunt to promote Pussy Riot

That is one school  of thought here in the Olympic village among the jaded press corps

Course if you watch the video

Could be just a bunch of assholes dressed as Cossacks (sans horses) hired by Putin

Putin............ why didn't you pay a little  extra for horses, man????

Then you could have sold the story to Fox News 

My vote goes to the asshole theory

Course I knew this country is a few years behind the times

But 500 years??????????

Oh well I am happy to report that the Olympic village has not yet been sacked by Cossacks

If they come rest assured the WC has a foolproof escape plan.......

James Bond style

With Pussy Riot!

Oh well I still haven't made it up to the Alpine skiing venue to actually watch the races

Been too busy right here is Sochi

BTW

Shout out right here to the Japanese national Geisha girls team

GREAT JOB LAST NIGHT GEISHA GIRLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nevetheless............. as the Seer of Sochi predicted 

Ted Liggety wins gold in the Grand Slalom

The Seer saw once again

Its just a gift I have

Oh well

Got to go my friends

Heard these alleged Cossacks are having a party

Got to go watch the hijinks  that ensue 

Your man is Sochi is going into the lions den

Mick 

SEND LAWYERS GUNS AND MONEY  if you don't hear from me......

The in danger's path 

Intrepid reporter always

WC

Thanks, WC. I am wondering if 'Nilla can come up with a story involving Cossacks and Horse Whips. (But please, no tentacles, unless they take some Cossack's ass!).

"A Frank and Open Dialog"

After wake up sex here at the UCTMW World HQ, Mistress and Slave headed over to our gym. Mistress did a spinning class, and Slave did his more solo work-out.  We met up in the lobby about 75 minutes later and as we stepped out into another snowy morning....

Mistress: "That's 7 days in a row of spinning, Slave...."

Slave: "Wow. Your legs must be feeling it...."

Mistress: "They are.... but they feel strong...."

Slave: "Strong and hot, Mistress. I bet you could squash my head like a walnut between those pwerful thighs if I failed to please you."

Mistress: "Then you'd better keep doing a good job, Slave."

I think that last part turned the head of the little old lady passing us on the sidewalk.

Our Western Correspondent Is Not Exactly a Good Luck Charm

Mistress and Slave extended their streak of twofers to a third day in a row here in our empty nest. Is it the endless snow that keeps falling here that makes us want to huddle under the sheets in Mistress's executive suite for shared bodily warmth? Or is it the continued romantic vibes that come with Valentine's Day? In any event, Mistress spent most of the day in the black silk nightie I got her for V Day, and Slave made sure it was put to good use.

Whatever it was that inspired us, we seem to have exceeded in just a few days what last Sunday's article on gender roles and marital sex said is the monthly quota for a sissy like me who helps with the cooking and the laundry. I guess I am one lucky Ol' Slave.

But one group that seems out of luck is the USA Olympic Team that our Western Correspondent was b touting a week ago. His heroes - Bode Miller, Julie Mancuso, Ted Ligety, Shaun White - are all underperforming on the slopes. Is the WC an American albatross, jinxing their performance? Even switching from their trendy new high speed suits did not seem to jumpstart the USA speed skaters, who seem about as quick on the track as my cranky Mom heading to the ladies room.

It's gotten to the point where the WC has been forced to whine about his generous pay, and cover Swedish Yogistas and Lebanese skiers in his in search for any uplifting good news in Sochi for our readers:

(SOCHI) Well I want to start off by thanking my friend Suzanne

She told the Plurocrat  Mick Collins to finally give me a raise

Haven't had one since I bought the little shack on the slopes of Vail

This guy is worse than Rupert!!!!

Why just yesterday he said he should have a vote for every dollar he pays in taxes

Shame on you Mick Collins!

Molly you should lock him up for a month 

Just on general principle .....

Well on to serious sports reporting,,,,

We will see if my little editorial comment survives the evil  editors pen

OMG!

The naked Swedish yoga workout was great!!

Hottest ticket in town

I had a perfect view 

Front row in the middle

From the rear!

My god those girls can really twist themselves into unusual positions

I have never seen bottoms spread so wide!

And labias too!!!!!

My sharp reporters instinct told me to ask them if they liked showing off

I asked the question because many of the wide open vagina's seamed wet to  my  poor old eyes

Oh yes they gushed 

Makes us very horney they said

Of course I did not bother to correct their English

Do I look stupid????????

Well I was just minding my own business in the back when a comely yoga girl came up and asked if she could do the upside down lotus while I put my finger up her ass

Ever the gentleman, I happily assisted her 

While she furiously rubbed her clit and gushed all over the place

Needless to say the poor old WC's cock was hard as a rock

But......

Then she just stood up 

And said thanks

THANKS I SAID?????

What about me???????????

She just walked off shaking her head

Americans !!!

The poor old WC was befuddled 

Well off to Japanese geisha girl party

I hear they treat American journalists better.....

Your hard working and under paid intrepid reporter 

WC

Well at least the poor Swedish yogistas did not persuade the WC to take off that cute black leotard.