HNT / And Some Thoughts from our Senior Correspondent

Thanks for your supportive comments yesterday. We did get our youngest daughter off on her adventure yesterday. We were all pretty chipper on the ride to the airport, only to lose it in a swamp of tears as we shared hugs with her for the last time for the next 10  months of so. But we know it will leave all of us changed, hopefully for the best, once this adventure is over. And there’s always Skype! (Last night she was “too busy” making new friends at a pre-Europe orientation to talk with us. A good sign as far as we were concerned).

This morning we pack up the car for our older daughter’s trip to College. And it’s wonderful that Donna, our Senior Correspondent stepped into the breach with some thoughts on the charms of the BDSM lifestyle. And as a bonus, I’ve thrown in an HNT outtake (above) from our little detour to that Bed and Breakfast over the weekend.

So there I was, just scrolling through some research, when I came across a 2009 study: Hormonal Changes and Couple Bonding in Consensual Sadomasochistic Activity, from The Archives of Sexual Behavior. 

Who could resist? 

So I opened it up and there I found this:

“...hormonal changes associated with Sadomasochistic activities including spanking, bondage and flogging, suggest that it could bring consenting couples closer together. The increases in relationship closeness combined with the displays of caring and affection observed as part of the SM activities offer support for the modern view that SM, when performed consensually, has the potential to increase intimacy between participants.”

So, while I think the hormone changes, spanking, bondage and flogging are fairly clear, what displays of caring and affection observed as part of the SM activities would be noteworthy?

The first that comes to mind for me is that of the Dom/Domme regularly checking in with the sub, not just verbally, but visually. Usually when gagged, there is a hand signal rather than a safe word, but I really haven’t heard of safe words being used terribly often. An attentive Dom usually picks up the visual clues long before the sub is ready to safe word. The muscles, the breathing patterns, changing of the coloring of the skin, the heat of the body, these are just a few of the non-verbal things a Dom checks to keep careful watch on the sub. That level of knowing a partner's body so well and paying such close attention has to have carry-over to everyday life, even if scaled back a bit.

From my own experiences, as well as talking with friends, I also think it is common for BDSM couples to make a special point of regularly adding new things to the mix, dildos, plugs, whips, canes, leathers, new techniques, clubs, dungeons and more. That says the partners are thinking about the relationship, planning ahead and looking forward to their time together, and probably showing up with some surprises for one another from time to time, not just on Valentine’s Day. Who doesn't appreciate knowing that someone is thinking of playing with them often and is willing to put the time, energy and money into spicing things up?

There is also the aftercare. How many jokes are there about vanilla sex and the men who want to just roll over and go to sleep after sex while the females want to talk? With BDSM, I haven’t found that to be the case. Aftercare is a very special time between participants to check out their physical and psychological situation following activities. It might be spent cuddling, rocking, discussing the scene, or sharing water or a quick energy snack. It is a time of settling, offering words of gratitude. I have friends who have a ritual of a rubdown, checking for any abraded areas or places that might need some TLC, and I have heard of people who brush their partner’s hair. It’s probably different for every couple or ménage, and it is very important, not only as a check-up and check-in, but as something that bonds us together.

And finally, something else that comes to mind when I think of this is that our friends who have been into BDSM for a period of time seem to generally have a little extra spark when they talk about one another. I suspect it might have something to do with having a shared secret, a secret stash of toys and BDSM paraphernalia. Or maybe it’s a secret language, like that special wink that means.”Send your parents home soon and I’ll go put on my leather bustier and be waiting in the bedroom with the flogger!”

Although I imagine that extra spark is really due to a combination of all of the above.

Every group of people, including the group of people involved in BDSM, has its fanatics, those out on a limb people, but I think this study is basically on target. I do think that BDSM, when performed consensually, has the potential to increase intimacy between participants. Of course I didn’t need a study to tell me that, but it is so nice when a study supports what we have already decided. Don't you agree?

Hugs,
Donna

One Teen Off....

This morning we all head to the airport to dispatch our younger teen for a year in  Europe as part of a student exchange program.   She’s been matched with a family, and will be attending her final high school year over there.

While we’ve been having fun with the notion of the empty kinky nest, this day is suddenly upon us and well…. it’s kind of tough. This is the little cutie we taught to ski at age 4; who I coached on the soccer field through elementary school, who had Barney at her 4^th birthday. All that silly stuff seems just like yesterday this morning here at the UCTMW World HQ.

She seems more relaxed and ready to go than the rest of us. Obviously, it’s not the first time she’s been away. And we expect a little drama from her when the going gets tough adopting to a new “family” or a new school, or coping with some social or relationship crisis. And , yes, there will be Skype calls and text messaging galore.

But still…. A lot happens in 10 months. Things and people change. It will be hard to let her go.

But we will focus on the opportunities that our empty nest will present us. Mistress has already mentioned the need to keep our weekend schedule cleared for some “raucous sex”.

Not that we’ve been lagging behind.  Yesterday, after Mistress had her early breakfast meeting she had some down time before her next engagement. So she came to my office.

As she debriefed me on her meeting I did what comes second nature now: slid the chair up against the door, spread the maroon blanket, preparing Mistress’s throne.

She settled into her seat, and I was on my knees, helping her wriggle out of her black undies.

Soon my mouth was buried between her thighs, making sure I attended to those smooth, clean shaven folds until her hips were bucking against me, and she was stifling little moans of delight.

She was every bit as tasty as my early morning latte, and much more satisfying for both of us.

After that, I found her a conference room to do some work on her laptop before her next meeting, planned for lunch time.

Naturally I checked up on her from time to time, but I was not the only one.

Across the hall from this particular conference room is my colleague…. Let’s call him Bob.

Now Bob is a little geeky, maybe late 40’s. Married to a rather frumpy house frau who never seems all that charmed to meet Molly or Mick.  I suspect she feels a little insecure around Molly for several reasons.

But maybe it’s because she can detect that little frission of attraction that Bob clearly has for Molly.

And who can blame him.

I think Bob had trouble with Molly being in such close proximity to his office through the AM.

“It was pretty funny, Slave…. he kept walking in, every 20 minutes or so to chat me up….”

“What was he talking about, Mistress?”

“Oh, mostly technology… I-Pads, what type of lap top I should get next…he says he should just quit this job and go to work at the Apple Store.”

It all sounded very pretextual to me.

“Maybe we should give him the chance to worship, Mistress.  I’m sure that would please him.”

“DO you think that’s what it’s about?”

“No doubt….”

Poor Bob.

Clearly smitten.

I know the feeling.

g.

More Cage Time for Slave on Horizon

Mistress has been sucked into one of those macho River City ritual’s today…. The 7:30 am breakfast meeting. It was invented by guys of a certain generation who like to nurture the impression that their schedules are so invaluable that it can not be heard of that they would arrive at their offices to take charge of the helm any earlier than 8:30 am. So as a result, any time spent on civic activities or professional “catching up” must be commence no later than 7:30 or so.

(This also leaves time for afternoons on the golf course, or a lunch time work-out at some all male athletic club. This also assumes you have a “good wife” at home tending to the domestic chores of sending the little tikes off to school, and that one never would think about “wake up” sex with that wife that might slow you down on the way out the door).

This is a too long lead in to the fact that I’m up early and have a short window for blogging, because I’ll be driving mistress this morning to her breakfast engagement.

I was happy to do the driving, because it means a day off from cage time. Our rule has been that Slave is in his cage when we drive separately. And Mistress’s work arrangements have changed recently so that our regular drives to work may well be a thing of the past.

“You know Save, I’m going to miss our driving to work more than anything …. But this also means you are going to have to get used to wearing that cage again on a moe regular basis.

Yesterday seemed like a start to that. She had the benefit of my hard cock for wake up sex, already contained by that steel ring that forms the base of my cage, surrounding my cock and balls.

Then, after my shower, as she lolled in bed a little longer, sending off some emails, I presented myself with the cage in place and she shut the lock with a little faux sympathetic smile.

“Does that make you feel more secure, Mistress.”

“Definitely, Slave.”

As it turned out, Mistress had to be downtown for a lunch meeting, and I even saw her briefly on our square as I ate a sandwich and she was heading to meet her lunch partner.

“I’ll stop by your office when I’m done, Slave….”

Of course, I knew what that meant. And was happy to greet her when she arrived, closing the door and pushing the chair into place for a little “dessert”.

Yum. 

It had been a while since I’d had a chance for some lunch time worship.

Afterwards she shared an interesting development.

Our regular readers may recall that a few weeks ago I mentioned that Mistress had been solicited over Collar Me by an interesting gentleman of European background who took an interest in her posting for a “part time Dom”.

They had chatted a bit, but then he left the country for a few weeks for some exotic vacation.

He’s back.

He and Mistress have been exchanging some provocative text messages over those weeks.

And they both realized in some exchanges yesterday morning that they’d be downtown.

We’ve not picked a blog name for him yet, so let’s just call him A for now.

“So Slave…. A’s down here today …. At his business. And he suggested maybe I walk down and say hello.”

I raised an eyebrow. 

“Sounds intriguing, Mistress….”

She told me the address, asking for some directions. And, dutiful slave that I am, I offered to walk her down the street for her little meet.

As we strolled in the mid afternoon sun, hand in hand, she gave me that look.

“Are you OK with this Slave?”

“Of course, Mistress…..”

She is very considerate about all this for her Slave….

Soon we were at her destination, just two short blocks from my office.

“Well Slave…. here we are…. Maybe you should go back now. It might be a little awkward if you showed up too.”

“No problem Mistress….”

Well I hear Mistress up now, and I’d better hop in the shower with her. I guess we will have to continue this little adventure later.

Sunday on the Road

Considering the reason for our road trip – the funeral of a beloved family matron – Mistress and Slave made sure we took advantage of our sumptuous suite a few blocks away from the crowded Fairfield Inn where our sullen teens had been parked for the evening.

Sleeping apart for several nights, both of us had some catching up to do in the sleep department on Saturday night. But when we woke Sunday we had a couple of hours before dressing for the graveside ceremony.

That gave Slave sometime to take some photos of our suite to share with you. 

There were some rather explicit lamps on the side tables next to the bed.

Then here is a more expansive view of our bed, as  Mistress polished a blog she had written for her vanilla site.

It gives you a good view of the four poster bed. 

Sunday morning I was still regretting not having packed some suitable restraints. But out of respect for the occasion (as well as a lack of suitable implements), Mistress and Slave passed on our more traditional Sunday morning activities.

Of course, that did not prevent us from taking advantage of the large, cozy bed in more traditional ways. And afterwards, both of us spent, I made sure to take a picture of Mistress, if only to make reparations for those of you who were grossed out by that shot of Michelle Bachmannn practicing her skills on that corn dog yesterday.

After Mistress and her slave had fully exploited that bed, Mistress decided to take a bath in the lovely claw foot tub.

 Mistress looks fetching with nothing but bubbles.