One of the little kinks featured in this blog is Mistress’s contractual right to engage in sexual activities with other men. It was thrown into our agreement because, due to lazy lawyering, I copied , then customized, a form “Slave” contract I found on the internet.
Quite frankly, before that language about Mistress’s rights was tossed into our frothy brew here in the Collins’ household, Mistress and her Slave never even talked about the “cuckold” option (though Mistress being taken by another woman was an active part of our salacious fantasy life., and once or twice, actually happened with much hotness ensuing as she recounted the tales of her exploits).
But once the words were in print, and the contract was signed, they suddenly took on a sexy life of their own.
Mistress suddenly started tossing off “available” vibes, and the flirtations began. The guys who approached her in line at the Post Office. Or in the elevator at work. Was it just her / our imagination, or was there some chemical brew that altered her pheromone outtake that was having some odd effect.
Mistress turned a random on-line “what’s up after all these years” contact into her juicy cyber flirtation with E (the college ex from the northland). She interviewed some prospective doms that came out of the woodwork through Craigslist and FetLife. She had a few steamy encounters with Sir M here in River City (referred to by one commenter as “the starter Dom”); and more recently there has been her intriguing phone – text – email relationship with M, our Western Correspondent. And she discovered that she could be both my Domme and someone else’s Sub
All in all, she seems to have enjoyed the fun, though there have been stresses, frustrations and insecurities exposed along the way.
And the surprise to me was that it was a rather compelling, if befuddling turn on. I ran the concept by a Psychologist I know, who gave me a semi-”validation”. “No, Mick, it’s not that bizarre. Just be careful with it.” She gave me a few half-baked reasons why this is a guy turn on, mostly focused on “when other guys want your wife, that confirms you have a good one.” But that hardly explained why Mistress’s descriptions about what she had done or would like to do with another guy turned me on.
More recently, I found an article posted at Psychology Today by Dr. David Ley, linked here, http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/women-who-stray/201006/kinky-cuckolding-fetish-goes-mainstreamthat goes into the phenomenon which seems to be hot these days (in both senses of “hot”). He has listed a number of potential and possibly overlapping explanations for my unanticipated reaction to Mistress’s “stepping out”. I can relate to some, say “yuck” to others.
Here goes:
“I thought I would use this posting to explore these issues, and invite discussion of what these various reasons might be. Even though this practice of wife-sharing focuses on the wife's sexuality, in my experience, this is almost always (99% of the time) prompted by the husband's request. Wives simply do not often or unprompted go to their husbands and request they have permission to have sex with other men. I will tell you that in the research for my book, I heard lots of varied reasons for this desire from various husbands. Some of the reasons were nice, and some were not so nice. I think a discussion of this phenomenon deserves consideration of all the reasons and motivations. So - here you go - my list of the motivations, based upon my research, behind why men would be interested in watching their wives with other men:
• Voyeurism - many folks suggest that we live in a "pornified culture," where most men of college-age and older have seen pornography, and use it as a part of their sexual repertoire. If they are used to such a voyeuristic process in their sexuality, there is some legitimacy to suggesting they may incorporate it into their marital sexuality. Watching your wife have sex with another man may be a next step, or progression, from watching yourselves have sex by having a mirror on the ceiling during sex, then using a video camera during sex, and then finally watching one's spouse with someone else. Many men told me "My wife is the most beautiful woman in the world to me, I'd rather watch her having sex than some porn actress I don't know."
Not so much a part of the enticement for me. I have never had the opportunity to watch Mistress in action. What we have shared are her “post action” reports. Hot. Very Hot.
Though we have talked about a situation where Slave was required to watch Mistress enjoy the attentions of another Man ….and I must say that has a certain appeal to both of us. I can relate to the guy who says that, if given the choice, I would much rather see a video of Mistress having sex than some overly pumped up porn actress.
• “Sperm competition - as Christopher Ryan, author Terry Gould, and researchers Baker and Bellis have suggested, there is a biological response playing out here, that affects a male sexual drive. After watching their wife with another man, the husband is prompted biologically to have longer, more vigorous sex, has a shorter refractory period between erections, ejaculates harder, and his ejaculate contains more sperm. Nearly every couple I interviewed told me that after an episode of the wife having sex with another man, the couple felt like they were "in heat."”
This seems to make sense….when Mistress has just concluded one of her cyber “dates” with M, or when she got home from one of her real dates with Sir M, we are / were crazy in lust for one another.
• “The Thrill of the Taboo - there are few things in our society as stigmatized as a husband whose wife is unfaithful. Historically, such men have been beaten, ostracized and ridiculed, and regarded as weak, "sissy men." Some of the men I interviewed described explicitly that the taboo was the thrill for them, from the excitement of the forbidden and the naughty.”
Not so much here. I don’t know that the beating part would be too appealing. And how can you call it “unfaithful” when she has permission?
• “Female empowerment - I was surprised by how many of these couples embraced very powerful feminist principles, and how many of these husbands described the joy they felt at their wife's increased independence, confidence and assertiveness, that came from the wife's freedom to have sex with other men. Many of the men expressed that through their wife's open sexuality, the couple was actively and consciously rejecting social pressures to suppress female sexuality, assert monogamy and patriarchal power.”
Yeaaah Baby! I like Mistress when she is flashing the power and confidence that comes with her remarkable beauty, smarts and street savvy. When she is being pursued by other men, and accepting or blowing off their attention, she is at her most powerful.
• “Bisexuality - In more than half of the men I interviewed, male bisexuality played a role in the husband's desires to watch his wife have sex with another man. This played out in many different dynamics. Sometimes, bringing a man to bed with the wife was a pretext, a bait and switch if you will, for the husband to then engage sexually with the man as well. Sometimes, the husbands were very concerned about being seen as heterosexual, but they spent an awful lot of time looking for well-endowed men for their wife. To my mind, a man who is that focused on the size of other men's penises really doesn't qualify as all that straight.”
No way for this Slave. No offense intended, but….pleasse….keep those cocks away from me.
• “Physical health issues - In Lady Chatterley's Lover, Lord Chatterley was physically unable to have intercourse with his wife (though, as my own wife points out, his fingers and tongue still worked just fine - why wasn't he using them?). I did see a number of men who reported that due to physical complaints, they weren't able to be as vigorous in bed as they and their wives would like. While the wives by and large were happy with things as they were, the husbands often felt their wife's loss of sexual satisfaction more strongly than the wife themselves, and were motivated to encourage the wife to sleep with other men.”
Thankfully, that’s not a problem in the Collins’ Household. Though I suppose it depends on what Mistress’s expectations are. 2-3 times a day is about my max. (Absent some of the days when the “sperm competition” factor mentioned above kicks in).
• “Female sexual fulfillment - women's sexual capacity is far greater than that of males'. The world record for male orgasms is about 26 in a 24-hour period. Per Sherfey's research, women have documented as many as 60-65 orgasms in a single hour. I saw many men who reported that their wives were highly sexual beings, with a greater sexual capacity, and it simply turned the husbands on and pleased them to be able to see their wives sexually satisfied, at a degree that a single husband couldn't match. I also speculate that there is a degree of vicarious experience here - by being a part of the experience, the husband gets to vicariously experience what it's like to have that greater sexual capacity, and identifies in a strong manner with his wife and the essence of female sexuality in a way that most men never experience.”
This makes sense to me. As I have written here before, Mistress has a wonderful sexual appetite. If it takes a village to keep her pleased, then I am happy to be just one of the contented and attentive Villagers.
• “Masochism - Leopold von Sacher-Masoch was a 19th century fan of flagellation, who wrote Venus in Furs, about dominant women. Masochism was named after him. Leopold posted ads in German newspapers of the day, looking for "energetic young men" to befriend and pleasure his wife. (Check out Craigslist, and you'll see Leopold's modern counterparts) Leopold's interest in the experience was specifically the humiliation aspects, of being cuckolded, treated as weak, lesser, and not a real man. Like those who seek the Taboo, the cuckolds often seek out a strong SM flavor, where the husbands are dominated, belittled and degraded.”
Yeah, weird shit. But I gotta say…..this turns up the temperature for this humble Slave. Maybe after acting the uber competent professional for most of my adult life, a little humiliation is exactly what I deserve and need.
• “Financial reasons - Most of the women working in Nevada's brothels have husbands and boyfriends at home, who benefit from the wife's sexual exploits for pay. It's not always about the money. A friend, and a wife interviewed in my first book, told me that when she was working as a manager at a brothel, one of the women always called her husband on her cellphone, before bringing a man back to her room for a "party." Unbeknownst to the man, her husband was getting off listening in on the phone. The financial part is a piece that can't be ignored, as it has been around for a long time. In England, men would sometimes set up their wives to be seduces by a man, so that the husband could then sue the man in court. In Florida, in the 1990's, the Sheriff husband of the "Housewife Hooker" hid in the closet videotaping his "nymphomaniac wife" with other men (notably republican politicians), whom the husband then blackmailed.”
Nope….no checkbook motivation in the Collins’ home. Just plain old sex seems to be what gets me / us off. Not that Mistress wouldn’t make a very valued Courtesan.
• “The royalty perk - In the 1960's Motown song, the line goes "save the last dance for me," as the husband watches his wife dance with other men. Many of the men I interviewed got a thrill, a sense of being "king" that they had a wife who was so sexy, that other men wanted to be with, but who ultimately came home with him, the husband. It made the men feel powerful and successful, that they had such a sexy wife.”
This sounds like what that psychologist told me some months ago. And it still rings true. It’s nice to think that Mistress can sample all those other appealing cocks out there, and that they long for her, but that she still wants to come home to mine.
• “Misogyny - sadly, I saw some couples where the husband's encouragement of the wife to have sex with other men was about a degrading of the woman. Some of these men talked about treating the wife as a whore, as a piece of meat, and "taking her down a peg."”
Yuck. Mistress needs to be exalted, not degraded. This is not turn on for me.
Hope this article provides some food for thought. Can’t wait to hear how Mistress reacts to these various explanations for our “cuckold” kink.
And I look forward to hearing any alternative theories (or motivations ) that our other readers care to share.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
HNT/ The Return of Abstinence Day
Sin over at “Finding My Submission” asked some question in a comment yesterday about Abstinence Day. Is it a tradition? Have we mentioned it before? Exactly what does it involve? And what does Mistress get out of it?
Well it’s a tradition in the Collins’ household in the same way that tweeting is: it goes back all the way to the long ago of the fall of 2009, right about the time Slave and Mistress signed their contract.
The notion was that Slave was spoiled: lots of sex, almost “on demand”. And while Mistress likes having sex on most every occasion (setting aside moments like Tuesday night after a long flight home, followed by an hour of stopped dead in Inter-state traffic past midnight, with surly teens grousing in the back, and us wondering how we will ever get up for work in the AM), she believed one good way to exercise control over her Slave was to show him that she (and only she) gets to decide when and if he can come.
The contract provides for “no touching” without her permission. I have come to accept that without difficulty. Though the thought of not being able to touch (even now as I type) does have a certain physical impact, even as I type this.
But, since we do have sex rather frequently, it’s rarely a difficult promise to keep.
The contract also says that I am not allowed to come while having sex without asking for and receiving her permission. That’s something that is usually granted immediately upon request, though there are occasions when some begging is required.
Mistress does like to hear that desperation in my voice when I am very, very, very close and am struggling to restrain myself.
Abstinence Day was introduced early on in our Contractual relationship as a way to enhance that desperation. Originally the notion was that on Wednesday I would be expected to worship and otherwise serve Mistress with no expectation of my own reward until the following day.
This sometimes created unexpected problems though.
Example: I licked and sucked Mistress on a Wednesday evening, but was required to withdraw and go to sleep afterwards, deferring my own reward until Thursday.
We sleep in a double size bed. Close and cuddly. But on those occasions, Slave would sometimes sleep fitfully. I would wake at 3 am or so with my cock as hard as rock, poking at Mistress and disturbing her beauty rest. Then, despite my devotion to her, I would find my fingers between her legs, waking her, and appealing to her more generous instincts to allow me access to her sumptuous cunt.
And I can’t ever recall being turned down under those circumstances.
While I suspect Mistress was not happy to lose that precious sleep, she is just too kind to push me out of bed and tell me to come back for her at a more respectable hour.
But it may be that these middle of the night interludes had gotten Mistress off of the Abstinence requirements these last few months.
Which brings me to yesterday.
We woke groggy from our late night of travel, our bodies still tuned to Mountain time. But work duty called.
I offered to worship Mistress after she showered, and she allowed it. I was on my knees, the taste of her clean shaven and nicely scrubbed parts were an excellent complement to my morning coffee. And while she patted my cock in gratification afterwards, I was still so sleepy that I had no problem with deferring my gratification.
Last night, after all of the catch-up at work, I came home to a yard out of control. So I spent some time mowing and weed whacking in our dank, hot and dirty River City “Air”. After a shower to wash away the grime, I was given the opportunity to pleasure Mistress again, from my knees, as she lay across our bed.
Freshly cleaned and naked, my cock stood out at attention by the time I was done. Mistress was amused, but hardly moved to do anything about it.
“Hmmm….I think something wants me, Slave.”
“Oh, yes.”
“I I like that….one of my favorite benefits of Abstinence Day.”
After dinner and watching the DVR’ed “Christmas Party” episode of Mad Men (sadly, I am old enough to have been to a Christmas Party like that), We retired to bed.
Mistress had hinted that I might be rewarded for good behavior. So my hopes were up.
We both were naked, Mistress laying across the bed, working on her Vanilla Blog.
“Put in your device Slave. But I am going to make you wait at least until I finish this…”
Things were looking up. Hard to imagine that she would be so cruel as to make me use the little white probe and then tell me to wait until morning. Or would she?
“Yes, Mistress,” was all I said.
I slid into bed next to her, cock already beginning to grow from the influence of the probe.
My face rested against her lush and shapely ass. I had initially thought about reading through the Times as she revised and edited away, but somehow her bottom was too tempting.
So I proceeded to rest my head there, using lips and tongue to bathe it with affection.
She wiggled a bit, looking over her shoulder at me.
“Go gently Slave. Don’t distract me with any orgasms until I am done here.”
“Of course, Mistress.”
So close to a reward, I did not want to cross her.
So I respectfully attended to her bottom without overly stimulating her more sensitive parts.
All the while my cock is getting harder.
Finally she was done, folding away her laptop, pressing close to me, laughing at how hard my cock had become.
I used fingers to give her a starter cum as she wriggled against me.
Then, my cock as hard as ever, I asked for permission to slide inside.
“You may, Slave. But I am still not sure that I will let you come tonight. Let’s just see how it goes, and don’t ask for permission when it’s too late to stop if I decide to say ‘No’.”
I was happy to take any license granted.
Soon I was pistoning away at her , making sure to deliver the type of orgasm that would put Mistress in an indulgent mood.
After she seemed satisfied, but was still sighing and wriggling beneath me, I was closing in on the point of no return.
“Mistress, can I come?”
“Not just yet, Slave….I’m still considering….”
Argh. Pacing. Close. Back off. Close again.
I was at the point where I would have to go forward or retreat altogether.
I made one last request.
“Pretty Please, Mistress…..”
“Yes….you may come now, Slave.”
Ahhhh.
And my clever Mistress got a very good and undisturbed night’s sleep.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Back in River City
Why bother? Was it beecause as Surly teen number 2 said: "I miss my stuff." Or was it because our employers were about to empty our offices and ask us where they should send our stuff?
Regardless, Slave is far too exhausted and pressed for time to do a proper blog for you this morning.
Thanks to those commentators yesterday who were worrying about Slave's "denial" when we were so rudely interrupted in the hot springs yesterday. Not to worry. Slave was duly allowed to take his pleasure from Mistress Monday evening, after teens were fed and we watched a grand lipstick sunset.
And I also enjoyed her favor yesterday morning, before our bike ride and packing off to the airport for the long trip home.
Now it's my abstinence day. Mistress has resolved to resist my horny importunings this evening as she tightens the collar, metaphorically speaking. I will report back and let you know what happens,
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Parents on the Lam
It was our last full day here on vacation. The stress of returning to work and prepping the sullen teens for the start of school looms dark and ugly before us.
We had planned a final outing to the Hot Springs, deep in the River Gorge near here. But as I was typing away on a work project, determined to Email it off to clients and colleagues before noon – our designated departure time – Sullen teen 1 came out onto the patio :
“Dad….do we really need to go today…we’ve done this before.”
I lost my cool.
“You mean you really want to spend your last day here parked in front of the TV watching movies you’ve seen about a dozen times? “
“That’s better than going on another stupid hike”.
Changing tactics, I appealed to her “good hostess” side.
“Does P (the boyfriend) really want to be cooped up in side all day?”
“ Yes. he got a sunburn yesterday….”
I guess it was the Arayan complexion that did him in. Or some latent ignoramous gene that resists the application of sunscreen.
Naturally I capitulated, but with a certain belligerence.
“Fine….stay home. Get bored.”
Then the light went off in my head……FREEDOM….on our last day. What was to resent. Huzzah!
To Molly, who was lying nearby, lounging in the sun, and listening to me being snappish to my 18 year old darling:
“Quick let’s get our asses out of here before they change their minds.”
We speedily assembled our two person picnic lunch. In moments, we were churning gravel as we peeled out of our drive. Our last words to them were “we will be back for dinner….”
Molly was texting with M as we headed down the dirt road that rimmed the deep river gorge, a gorgeous view of our verdant mountains stretching almost 360 degrees across the horizon.
“I told him we were kid-less and heading to the nude hot springs, Slave.”
“And what did he say?”
“He says he wants the photographer to take and send him a photo of his nude cunt.”
“Happily, Mistress.”
We scrambled down the ½ mile “hike” over a boulder strewn path that, 150 years ago, had accommodated a stage coach line connecting our little town to the “Chili Line” rails that once ran along the West side of the gorge, all the way north toward Denver.
As we made our way to the bottom, where Dennis and Peter once cavorted with two naked lovelies in a scene from “Easy Rider”, we spotted two naked fellows, cavorting with one another in the cool river water, riding the current down stream.
On the tiny sandy beach where Mistress and Slave planned to spend their afternoon, Mistress chatted up the two guys, who’s substantial endowments were on display for her to admire, about the water temperature and depth. They were charming and charmed, but seemed far more interested in one another than us (seemingly) vanilla types.
Soon, Mistress had her bathing suit off, and was stretched across the beach, engrossed in her book. Though she took some time to pose for a few choice photos to share with M, as he required.
But when the two gentlemen dressed and began their hike back up the trail, we saw our opportunity and took it. The hot springs were now our little private domain.
We scrambled over the rocks and slid into a pool formed by a ring of stacked rocks, about 10 feet long and 6 feet wide. Perfect for the two of us.
No surly teens. No nakey guys. Just a Mistress and her devoted Slave.
The water seemed just two degrees below the temperature of our bodies. Warm and cooling at the same time. Perfect for wallowing while the high desert sun beat down on our little private paradise.
On our backs in the toasty pool, about 4 feet deep, we could peer up along the rocky face of the gorge, the rim a steep 500 feet above us.
We imagined Butch and Sundance taking their crazy jump, a scene filmed some where along this River all those years ago.
But we were not going to waste this brief opportunity reminiscing about old movies or pointing out fluffy clouds that looked like bunnies or sheep.
Soon my naked Mistress was floating next to me, back up, my fingers sliding between her legs in the warm, transparent waters.
As we kissed, deep and long, I tickled and coaxed her naughty parts to at least two shivering, shuddering orgasms.
Then she turned her attention to me, which I accommodated by sliding my black bathing suit to my knees. (Yes dear readers, I am a wimp when it comes to public displays of my aging ass and cock).
Soon her fingers had me hard and longing. But that led to a little ethical “debate”.
“Ummm, Mistress…would it be weird for me to discharge my fluids into this warm, natural tub…. I mean, what if some naked, fertile woman climbed in later today….is there a chance that 20 years from now I get a call from some 19 year old girl, named Hortensa, asking if I spent some time in a hot springs in August 2010, and looking for some financial support to attend Harvard?”
But as I was calculating the remote odds, Mistress was ahead of me. This was an opportunity not to be missed. (Or blogged about.)
Somehow, despite the odd physical dynamics created by the warm water, she had wriggled her cunt onto my hard cock and was riding it with an enthusiasm that was contagious.
And despite the odd posture I needed to maintain to keep myself parked inside of her, a combination of balancing and floating to keep our bodies tightly engaged despite our natural buoyancy, I was close.
Oh so close.
Oh so very close.
Damn. Was that some old fart on the trail above us, wearing a floral shirt that seemed to match the one on his wife, who following about 5 yards behind.
Not wanting to scandalize, Mistress promptly detached herself from my pole, and scrambled back to the beach, with her Slave in hot pursuit.
With this new company, Mistress modestly slid on her bottoms. But this was a nude beach after all. So her breasts remained on display. I even smeared on some additional sunscreen.
And so we spent the rest of our afternoon, enjoying our books, the sound of the flowing water, the cool breeze it generated, the warming sun, and one another’s company. With no one nagging “Can’t we go home now.”
It was a perfect “last day of vacation” day.
But as the sun began to hide behind the western rim, we realized it was probably time to head back to our (by now) hungry little family unit, if only for fear that they would be calling “Mountain Rescue”, and calculating how long their Mastercards would work if we were not around to mail in the monthly checks.
When we returned, their bodies seemed not to have moved from the couch in front of the DVD player. Though the dirty dishes piled in the sink provided some evidence to the contrary.
“God….how could you stay down there so long?”, one of them asked at dinner.
“Oh, We kept ourselves busy….”
“That sounds really boring.”
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